5 Questions For The Few People Outraged Over Nico's Two Dads On CoComelon Lane

Back in November, CoComelon launched its first narrative series, CoComelon Lane on Netflix. The series, currently consisting of nine 25-minute episodes, focuses on helping preschoolers develop social emotional learning skills through everyday moments and milestone events. In addition to your child’s favorite characters, some new ones have emerged, including Nico’s two dads... and a very vocal minority has some very big feelings about this turn of events, describing the episode as “evil,” “child abuse,” “sad,” and (of course) “grooming.” Well, I have some questions...

Ha ha ha-... oh you’re serious?

Really? I mean. I guess I’m not surprised but this sort of thing never stops being disappointing. Because all I’m seeing in this eight-minute episode is...

• A family of two dads and their son taking family portraits.
• A child playing dress up as a firefighter, chef, and dancer.
• An overall message of “be yourself.”

I guess I missed the child abuse, sorrow, evil, and grooming while I was blinking. That or what actually offends you is the existence of queer people which, the more I think about it, feels more accurate.

You know they’re cartoons and you don’t have to watch them.

Nico and his dads are drawings people who don’t actually exist. They’re not going to come to your house and harm your family. If you don’t want to watch them that’s fine. In fact, I don’t know about you, but no one has ever made me watch anything beyond, like, a video on personal hygiene in health class. Heck, you can even cancel your Netflix account if you want to. (I wouldn’t recommend it. Have you seen Beef or I Think You Should Leave? Stranger Things?! They’re great!) Or you can simply just not watch the shows you don’t like.

Here’s how it works: When you sign into your account, you’re going to see a whole bunch of shows. When you see the one you don’t like, you simply don’t select it. You can also do this for someone else in your house, like your children. I know that sounds complicated but it’s pretty straightforward.

Why now?

This episode came out on Nov. 17. It’s been over a month since your kids have been watching Nico and his dads. So have you not at all been paying attention to what your child is watching for a month? Well, I’m sorry folks, but if your baby has been watching this episode for that long they’re probably already gay... Kidding! See how silly that sounds? This brings me to my next point...

What do you think is going to happen?

Do you think watching 10 seconds of a little boy playing dress up in a tutu and crown (after watching him dress up like a chef and firefighter) is going to affect any kind of riotous social change in your house? Do you think seeing two men with a child is going to turn anyone gay? Do you think kids don’t have gay parents already? Or is it just that you hate reminders that most people have absolutely no problem with gay people and actively support laws that recognize their equality?

Hey buddy, how are you doing?

Everything OK? You seem out of sorts. Is it really the cartoon baby in a tutu that’s got you down or is it that the world is different than you expected? Yeah, I get it. Sometime changes and transitions can be scary. But you know what we’re going to do? We’re going to take a deep breath in... and out... and we’re going to be OK. I believe in you, champ.

After this, I’m just going to ignore your little tantrums because there’s no need for both of us to get all worked up about this.

That’s not a question, it’s just the truth.