Honestly, I'd Probably Crowdsurf My Baby To The Rock

Of all the things I’ve thought to do with my baby for a laugh — hold her up in the air like Rafiki holding Simba, put a ginormous hat on her head and take a picture, hollow out a pumpkin and make her sit in it with only her diaper on (why are we like this) — never have I ever thought about crowdsurfing her to a celebrity in a packed stadium of people. Not on your bucket list either? Don’t want to put this one in the baby book on the pink Milestones page with a date? Clearly you are not the dad in the now-viral video of a crowd full of people in Mexico City delicately passing a straight-up BABY to Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson as he stands on stage.

The Rock shared the video to his own Instagram page and said that he locked eyes with the dad in the crowd who was teary-eyed and gestured his baby as if she was a baguette and he was about to put it out with some dips and cheese and would The Rock like some? The Rock agreed because a) he is one of the kindest celebrities you hear about and b) he thought it was a BABY DOLL. That’s how tiny this baby was! The Rock thought someone was gifting him a baby doll and he was like, what up, I’ve got three daughters, I know how to accept a baby doll when someone offers.

To The Rock’s credit, he seems overjoyed in his video and caption to be holding little Luciana. But I’m sort of throwing up watching her be passed OVER THE HEADS of a crowd. Like, if the venue was on fire? Yes please someone help me get my baby up and out of here. But just to see The Rock?

Actually. OK. Like you, I was outraged by the very idea when I saw the video. But. If I really think about it, if I was really going to crowdsurf my baby to anyone, it would absolutely be The Rock.

My husband isn’t someone who gets super psyched about celebrities. I can’t imagine him standing in an hour-long line to meet hardly anyone... unless it was The Rock. (And also maybe Ryan Reynolds, and I would also stand in line so I could meet Blake Lively and the four of us could be besties and live in a compound and raise our merry band of darling daughters together.) I jokingly (but not really jokingly?) call my husband Safety Dad for his insistence on making sure our three girls don’t bash their heads into things because they’re playing hide-and-seek a little too aggressively and he’s always asking me to double check car seat straps and that the stroller bassinet is clicked in correctly lest our baby go flying down the sidewalk like a sled. So the thought of him crowdsurfing one of our babies? Laughable. The thought of him being totally chill and OK with me crowdsurfing one of our babies? He might leave me in Mexico City forever.

The thought of one of us crowdsurfing one of our babies to The Rock? We both might be OK with that. (Would absolutely ask him if he smelled what she was cookin’.)

Look, The Rock is an icon. He’s a Good Guy. He’s one of the few strangers in the world I would trust with my children because he’s... not a stranger? I am one of the few women I know who knew The Rock before he was the (incredibly sexy) Scorpion King, starring in the beloved The Mummy franchise. Because I’m also one of the few women I know who only got to stay up late on a school night if I agreed to watch professional wrestling with my dad. The Rock has been a part of my life for many, many years, and then I married a guy who also loves The Rock not only for his movies, but his wrestling career?! Fate.

Like, who else would you crowdsurf your baby to?

Also he’s pretty much a babysitter already in this house considering all of my daughters, ages 4 months to 8, could pick Maui the Demi-God’s voice out of a crowd thanks to endless rewatches of Moana.

And have you ever looked at The Rock’s Instagram? He is so in love with his three daughters. A total #GirlDad. Like, who else would you crowdsurf your baby to? Who else would make a grown man teary eyed enough to share his baby? To make his own child part of a grander gesture of “thank you” and “you’re important to us”? (Actually, if you ask my husband, he will absolutely say Deadpool, so maybe don’t.) Did you see the way The Rock snuggled that baby? I think I instantly got pregnant.

I’m not saying we should all go walk into crowds and ask our babies to get to the front of the line via everyone’s hands. I’m just saying, if crowdsurfing your baby seems like a good idea, make sure The Rock is up front. Or... if The Rock is in front of you, just go ahead and crowdsurf the baby. You know he’s going to catch her.

(On second thought, would prefer my children to crowdsurf me to The Rock because my husband won’t. He’ll be the one trying to get to him first.)