Millennial Women Simply Were Not Prepared For Usher To Do THAT At The Super Bowl

We knew as soon as we heard Usher was performing the halftime show at Super Bowl LVIII that it was going to be lit. But even we, the 30 to 40-year-old women whose crush on this man hasn’t dimmed in decades, were not prepared. The star-studded, high energy performance was pure Millennial joy. Alicia Keys! Will.I.Am! H.E.R.! Lil Jon! Ludacris! Roller Skates! Marching Bands! Amazing costumes! But, above all else: Usher Raymond IV in all his singing, dancing, shirtless and glistening glory. Prediction: birth rates in early-November are going to go through the damn roof. Because Usher stirred feelings in our generation, people. Feelings many a strong woman will not be able to fight once the game is over. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not ruling out the possibility that some of us got pregnant just watching...

Rolling out 14 hits in about as many minutes — complete with several costume changes — the performance was all-killer-no-filler. It was a time machine in the best possible way. We were suddenly imbued with the heady energy we had in the early ‘00s. You know, the days when we could stay out until sunrise and still get to class on time a few hours later. Back before we reached the stage in our life where we can (and have) thrown our backs out sneezing.

“This is so important to me as someone who had the shirtless centerfold of Usher from Teen People magazine taped to the ceiling over her bottom bunk at summer camp,” tweeted @svershbow.

“usher, lil jon, and ludacris being together again literally felt like the avengers assembling for the first time in a decade,” observed @WAYSTIAR.

“Usher was everything my millennial heart wanted,” @jenlouiseee summed up and, yes.

But we need to talk about THE USHER of it all. Because... *snaps open fan and begins fluttering it furiously.*

“2023 Super Bow: Rihanna is pregnant,” tweeted @CohenBrian_ above a photo of Rihanna from last year. Beside her, a picture of shirtless Usher with the caption “2024 Super Bowl: We’re all pregnant.”

To be fair, there are those out there who claim to be on the receiving end of this power. “In 2014, Usher was a surprise guest during Pharrell’s set at Coachella,” tweeted @AnyaynA. “I lost my goddamn mind and said, jokingly, ‘Someone’s going to end up pregnant tonight.’ Joke’s on me because 9 months later a couple at the house we were at had a baby.”

There are also those who believe (read: joke) that babies were always the plan...

In any case, on behalf of the thirsty, thirsty women of my generation: thank you, Usher. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go step into an ice cold shower...