21 Old-Fashioned Insults To Add To Your Burn Book

A bit crude, for sure, but this insult will definitely make its point. According to The 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue by Francis Grose, a dilberry maker is code for a person's rectum. So calling someone a dilberry maker is a classier way of saying, "you're a poop chute."

The 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, $8, Amazon

In my opinion, a good insult is one that is equal parts clever and absurd. That's why dissing someone as a, "Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas," needs to be brought back. As the site for Jonathon Green's eponymous Green's Dictionary of Slang noted, it means, "a drunken man that pisses under the table into his companions’ shoes." Friend can't hold their liquor? Then they might as well be the Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas.

Do you know someone who likes to brag on themselves — all the time? Then you can call them an abydocomist, which is a person who boasts about their lies, according to Dictionary of the Synonymous Words and Technical Terms in the English Language by James Leslie.

Dictionary of the Synonymous Words and Technical Terms in the English Language, $24, Amazon

This one is a thinker. Since bovines are cloven-hoofed, they obviously don't have hands. So referring to someone as, "cow-handed," means they're as awkward as a cow trying to grasp something, according to Green's Dictionary.

Some of the best zingers are the ones which don't make any logical sense. So the next time you want to just spout off, you can use, "lubberwort," a person who has eaten a mythical vegetable that makes people dim-witted, as Dictionary.com noted.

You just knew that William Shakespeare would have to make an appearance when talking about old-fashioned insults. Taken from Shakespeare's King Lear, the full quote is, "thou art a boil, a plague-sore, an embossed carbuncle, in my corrupted blood." Sick burn, bro. In case you're curious, Dictionary.com defines a carbuncle as, "a painful circumscribed inflammation of the subcutaneous tissue." You have to love those medieval medical conditions.

King Lear, $5, Amazon

For anyone with Jewish relatives, you may already know this classic Yiddish insult. If you want to tell someone off, you can say, "gey droen di gandz," which translates to, "go threaten the goose," according to YiddishDictionaryOnline.com. Basically, you're telling someone they're better off trying to intimidate a goose than to try and come at you.

No, I'm not talking about a fantasy land for Sherlock Holmes fans. To say, "you're a cumberworld," means they're useless and a cumbersome interruption in the world, according to the official site for Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary.

Taken from Shakespeare's Timon of Athens, "would thou wert clean enough to spit upon," implies someone is so dirty even spit wouldn't make a difference. Gross.

Timon of Athens, $7, Amazon

This is actually pretty self-explanatory. As Green's Dictionary noted, a grumbletonian is a person who grumbles or complains, especially when it comes to political topics.

According to Merriam-Webster, an ultracrepidarian is, "one who is presumptuous and offers advice or opinions beyond one’s sphere of knowledge." Basically, a know-it-all who actually knows nothing.

This might be my new favorite. According to Green's Dictionary, the Duke of Limbs is a person who is awkward, particularly when it comes to being physically clumsy.

There's no real history behind this one, but a nigmenog is a very silly person, according to The 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue. The next time you think someone is being ridiculous, you might want to try this equally hilarious insult.

Do you know someone who thinks they're God's gift to the world? As Merriam-Webster noted, a prickmedainty is a person who is preoccupied with their appearance and often considered foolish for doing so.

Another one from YiddishDictionaryOnline.com, someone who can't get their stuff together is a moyshe kapoyer. What a mess.

From Shakespeare's King Richard III, the full insult is, "out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes." How much must someone offend you that their mere presence would hurt your eyes?

Richard III, $5, Amazon

According to The 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, you can really burn someone by pointing out they're in dire circumstances or, "out at the elbows." No clue what elbows have to do with it, though.

The next time someone is talking nonsense, you can say, "that's flibbertigibbet," and really burst their bubble, as Merriam-Webster noted.

Simply put, to call someone, "fopdoodle," is to say they're a fool, according to Green's Dictionary.

The term "cupboard-lover" is a sly way to call someone fake, as Merriam-Webster noted. Apparently, the saying comes from a person being nice to you with the sole intent of gaining access to the food in your pantry.

To be rumbumptious is to be offensive, unruly, and stuck-up, according to The 1811 Dictionary of Vulgar Tongue. The next time someone is being particularly annoying, you can hurl this nifty insult their way.