All The Weird Sh*t Adults Say To Girl Scouts Selling Cookies

There are a lot of things you should say to a Girl Scout when you stop by her cookie booth. Things like “Oh, what’s the most popular cookie?” or “Do you guys have some fun trips planned with your troop?” But grilling a 12-year-old girl on whether your purchase of Thin Mints is going to support abortion? Not on the list.

And yes, it happens. More times than Georgia Girl Scout troop leader Amy G. can count. Amy is the mother of a teenage daughter and has been a troop leader since her child was in elementary school. “I’m so glad my girls are older and don’t want to do cookie booths anymore,” she says. “I had an incident in front of Walmart where an old woman told the girls she was ‘sad to see the pretty little girls going to hell for selling Girl Scout cookies to fund abortions.’ I told her to keep moving or I’d call the cops for harassing children.”

Amy says that, fortunately, the number of adults who share these thoughts with the girls is small — but she has heard of someone pulling a troop leader aside to ask them which demonic activity their cookie money is subsidizing.

The entire point of Girl Scout Cookie Season, according to the Girl Scouts website, is to help these little entrepreneurs develop five skills: goal setting, decision making, money management, people skills, and business ethics. And no, people skills should not include dealing with deranged adults who think cookie sales are funding some underground Democrat crime ring or adults who demand Girl Scouts ask them “nicely” to buy cookies (one anonymous troop leader told me she’s absolutely heard both of these).

No every unwanted interaction is fueled by conspiracy-theory enthusiasts; some may even be the result of good intentions. Rebekah H., a Georgia Girl Scout mom, says she is surprised by how many people invite her first grader — a Girl Scout Daisy — into their homes when she goes door-to-door with cookie sales. “People need to stop inviting my kid into their house. It’s happened three times this year,” she says. “Like, I know it’s cold outside when we are selling cookies. I stand at the street and let her go to the door herself, and I have to say, ‘No, you can’t tell her to stand inside.’” She acknowledges that it seems to be a generation thing — older adults often invite her daughter to stand inside while they go get their money, or they want her to come in so they can shut the door to the cold weather while they peruse the order form. The Girl Scouts even have a rule about it, that Rebekah and her daughter, along with their troop, are careful to practice. It can be awkward to navigate though when adults are persistent. “They really don’t get why my kid cannot come inside.”

Then there are the adults who feel compelled to talk about their body issues when faced with a table of cookies. “The amount of diet talk they hear is astonishing,” Rebekah tells me. “The patting of their belly, the ‘oh no, no, no, I’ve had too many cookies.’ Or saying, ‘those are not healthy, we don’t eat cookies.’”

You know what else isn’t included in the Girl Scout cookie sales? An age limit. But for whatever reason, many adults seem quite annoyed that a teenage girl is offering them an order form for their Tagalongs and not an elementary schooler. Miranda W., a Girl Scout Troop Leader for several years, tells me that her high school-aged scouts are often asked where the “little girl scouts” are. She says her girls then have to explain that, originally, Girl Scouts were all 11 to 17 years old and not 5 to 9, as so many assume.

Amy says she’s heard that people will stop their tween scouts and say things like, “Aren’t you a little old to still be doing this?” Amy recounted the memorable moment when one of her middle schoolers snapped back, “Aren’t you old enough to mind your manners in public?” so at least we know they’re learning how to stand up for themselves.

Next time you are faced with a Girl Scout and her cookie list, we beg of you: Hold it together. If you’re curious about where the money goes, ask without assuming it’s some kind of plot to make Joe Biden president of the universe. They’ll say something like camping trips or so they can buy materials needed to build shelters for feral cats — they are Girl Scouts. Let them make the world a better place, and you just eat the Samoas already.