Mom Turns To Reddit After Getting Annoyed By Her Husband's "Excessive" Pooping Schedule

After extensive, intense research, we’re able to confirm what scientists have suspected for years: everybody poops. But one man’s bathroom habits have left his spouse wondering if there’s a limit to the number of healthy bowel movements one should take in day, leading them to wonder if their partner has a medical condition or if he’s simply just... full of crap. (Don’t give me that look. If we can’t make poop puns discussing this topic what’s even the point?)

The general question is one so common that it’s practical a meme. Nay. A meme before memes existed. We don’t know what it is but men in general and husbands in particular seem to really relish their bathroom time, hunkering down on the toilet for 20, 30, even 45 minutes. “That’s just how long it takes!” declare the husbands of the world, who offered no comment on a 2017 study published in the peer-reviewed journal Soft Matter that established that mammals across the board tend to do their business in 12 seconds. But I digress.

We found this quandary on, where else, Reddit’s “Am I The Asshole” subreddit. User u/Hot_Drama_2854 explained that their husband poops “several times a day.” Now, this in and of itself could be pretty normal until we hear the details: two to three trips... in the morning followed by “at least” three more times throughout the day. Each “session,” they say, lasts at least 20 minutes.

We’ll give you a minute, because we too need one. For the math disinclined, this is upwards of two hours of pooping a day. Practically a part-time job!

“When I asked him why he poops so often, he told me he feels like he’s bloated and needs to poop after each large meal,” they wrote. “Recently, I lost my patience and told him that his pooping was affecting my life and that he needs to go to a doctor because this is completely abnormal. We have a kid and I find it annoying to have to accommodate my husband’s pooping schedule among everything else we need to get done each day. He was offended by this and said it’s normal to poop this much for the amount of food he eats. I continue to insist that he must have some type of disease such as IBS or something, that is causing his constant need to poop. AITA for upsetting my husband and insisting that he goes to a doctor for his excessive pooping?”

Upon reading this dilemma, other Redditors lost their sh-t. (Sorry, not sorry.)

“Either IBS or a loophole for some kid free time,” declared one, prompting another to reply.

“I hate that this loophole works perfectly for so many dads. Meanwhile whenever I go to the toilet, my kid will surely want to accompany me, help me wipe and flush the toilet - never mind if I’m finished or not.”

“Nobody poops for 20 minutes,” agrees the most-liked comment as of press time. “He may actually go to the bathroom to poop, but if each dump is 20 minutes, he’s f-cking around on his phone. If he is actually pooping for 20 minutes, and by that I mean actually getting his dump on with wasted exiting his little bumhole, yes, he needs to see a doctor.”

Many did indeed suspect that this was an undiagnosed, and unaddressed medical issue that needed immediate recourse.

“Even if it is IBS, he should go to a dr,” said one commenter. “It’s uncool for him to miss up to 2 hours of family time due to being in the crapper. He bears responsibility here, to at minimum be open to [original poster]'s feedback, as a partner and a coparent.”

But others thought that u/Hot_Drama_2854’s approach was too harsh.

“You are treating it like it’s an inconvenience to you so must be fixed,” scolded one. “Your husband is the one really suffering, but I’m not really seeing any actual concern from you beyond how it affects your life.”

“You are right that it’s not normal. But holy hell your approach sucks,” agreed another.

One clever commenter, however, had an excellent experiment to try to improve the situation.

“Tell him to leave his phone out of the bathroom. I guarantee his time in there lessens.”

Diabolical compassion. We love it.