Reddit Agrees With Mom Who Told Husband "The Nanny Is In Charge" Of Bedtime Routine

When it comes to parenting, the narrative tends to be that mom and dad should present a united front. Do their best to be on the same page when dealing with the kids. This might be considered the ideal, a mom and dad parenting as one with their children, but what happens when there’s a third voice? Like a nanny who spends a lot of time with the kids and obviously knows a thing or two about them? That’s the dilemma one mom on Reddit is facing as she finds herself siding with her nanny over her husband when the two of them are managing the kids without her.

The Redditor in question is a mom of three kids, aged 10 months to 6 years old. She explained in her viral post titled “AITA for telling my husband the nanny is in charge?” that she and her husband had hired a nanny after the birth of their second child during the pandemic who initially worked when the mom was out of the house. After a bout of postpartum depression left her struggling to handle bedtimes, she and the nanny agreed to adjust hours to help cover dinner, bedtime, and bath time.

“We’ve gotten close over the past 6 months doing this. In many ways, she’s become like a third parent to the kids,” the mom explained after noting that her husband travels a lot for work and is rarely home. “She’s so good with them. We’ve created a routine that works well. I tend to the baby during bath and bed, she handles the older 2. It’s a nice rhythm and my mental health has gotten so much better.”

As she explains it, the issue in the house happens when her husband and the nanny are handling nighttime rituals together and her husband doesn’t want to be “firm” with the kids because he’s not around very often. “He tries to help her with bath and bed, but allows the boys to rough house, lets them break the routine and it seriously throws them off and delays bedtime.” And, according to the mom, the nanny has said she feels “awkward” but “doesn’t want to undermine her employer.”

“But it just makes her job harder,” she explained. “But my husband also doesn’t want her to go home when he arrives as he says he can’t handle it alone.” After asking her husband to defer to the kids’ nanny or don’t help at all, he accused her of “letting the nanny take over.” And Reddit had some thoughts on the subject.

“Dad doesn’t get a ‘parenting responsibility free pass’ just because he doesn't see the kids often and he works a lot, he can be a fun parent whilst also sticking to the kids routine. He’s undoing routine that benefits your kids and the woman helping you to raise them successfully,” one Redditor commented.

Many appeared to agree that the dad’s unwillingness to follow routine wasn’t fair for anyone, including the kids. “Your husband sounds kind of like a Disney Dad instead of acting like a parent,” added another.

A former nanny even offered a suggestion for the husband, “If hubby wants to rough house with the boys before bed, then he should be allowed to do, but that means the nanny is done for the evening. He has to put the kids to bed on his own. A few nights of him doing it without help, and he'll quickly agree with the nanny.”

Keeping a manageable bedtime routine is not just great for parents, it’s great for kids. Ultimately no one wants that disrupted if it can be avoided.