10 Terrible Things About Having A Toddler That Are Pretty Funny When You Look Back At Them

Never in the history of potty training has someone described it as "fun." It's awful. Really, so awful, and it can turn even the mellowest of mamas into Mommy Dearest (not really, obviously, but I think I've made my point that potty training is the worst). When your days revolve around poop and wiping someone else's back side, it's understandable to want to reach for the wine before 5 o'clock. It's also pretty funny. I mean, when your kid eventually does make it to the potty, you rejoice like they've just found the cure for cancer and, honestly, it's just number two in the toilet. That's hilarious. And gross. Definitely gross.

Trying to feed a toddler broccoli is more challenging than obtaining a college degree. Isn't is strange how they'll put anything they find lying around the floor in their mouths, yet the thought of subjecting their precious palate to something edible makes their stomach turn? Feeding picky eaters sort of sucks, but remembering how you had to disguise every food as chicken nuggets or bury it in cheese so that your child would eat is actually pretty funny.

Toddlers are like tiny tornadoes; they can walk into a perfectly organized and orderly room and have it looking like a tsunami came through in less than two minutes. Cleaning when you have toddlers is basically an oxymoron, so just keep some air freshener handy to make it at least smell like your home isn't in shambles.

How do tiny people make such monumental messes? Really, how?!

A toddler will love and hate you all in the very same moment. They experience emotions ranging both ends of a very extreme spectrum, and they feel things deeper than we could possibly imagine, for about two minutes. Then, they notice the kitchen floor is clean of pots and pans, and that is something they simply can't stand for. They love hard and cry harder, but their drama displays could put Leonardo Decaprio to shame.

According to Wikipedia, a dictator is a ruler who wields absolute authority. Think about it: how much of your life is run by your toddler? How many hours of the day do you spend catering to their every need, keeping them happy, meeting their every demand, and cutting the crusts off of their sandwiches that they insist on being shaped like stars? Basically, being a parent is like being in a temporary state of adorable dictatorship.

You will watch the same movie or show so many times that you'll be invested in the lives of the characters it features; you'll read the same book so many times that you'll know all the words by heart; you'll catch yourself watching your child's TV shows long after they've left the room because you need to know what happens to Sponge Bob when he leaves the Crusty Crab, and you'll find yourself irrationally annoyed when your kid interrupts you when you're reading him or her a new book because you get more invested in the plot than they are.

Welcome to the Twilight Zone.

Cleaning up the remnants of 700 tiny toys (exaggeration, yes) is never fun, but have you ever stopped to think about how you acquired so many random and unnecessary items? Perhaps they came from the checkout line at the grocery store, where the merchandisers cleverly placed Hot Wheels and Pez dispensers because they knew that parents of impatient kids in public places will do anything to prevent a meltdown? Or maybe it was because McDonald's was giving out Angry Bird toys in their happy meals, and seeing the five minutes of complete bliss that little piece of plastic brings your child is worth every minute spent in the drive thru line. Admit it: you did this to yourself because you wanted to be a hero.

Have you ever stopped to think about the similarities between toddlers and drunks? They're both emotionally unstable, they both constantly crave macaroni and cheese, and they're both incapable of keeping up with all of their clothing. Why is it that you can't go anywhere without your toddler losing a sock or a shoe or a hat or (if you're one of the lucky parents whose toddler likes to streak) their pants? How do they lose their pants so easily?

Toddlers are constantly trying to push boundaries as they learn what lines they can and cannot cross. Their developing personalities are such a joy to uncover, but the attitudes that accompany them? Not so much. Who knew that a two-year-old would have such strong opinions about you singing in the car? Or holding your hand on the playground? Or about the perfume the woman standing in front of you at Target is wearing? They say the darndest things, don't they?

Freshly bathed toddlers are like heaven. They're so soft and so clean and they smell like coconuts and lavender...for about five minutes. How is it that a toddler can smell like the inside of a shoe a mere five minutes after they've emerged from their scrubbing in the bathtub? No, really, how? Who needs a gym membership when you've got a toddler? Having to scrub the filth off of them has got to burn, like, 500 calories, and when you have to do it every day, sometimes multiple times a day, that's more than enough aerobic activity for, like a year's worth of time.

Toddlers: smelly, sticky, stubborn, and adorable. So so adorable.