10 Things Atheist Moms Want Other Moms To Know

There's a bumper sticker in my neighborhood that says, "Where God is not, anything is permitted." It's just not true. Just because we don't subscribe to a particular belief system doesn't mean we're not bound by a moral code. There are common threads throughout all faiths, such as the Golden Rule and values of generosity, kindness, and compassion.

There's a reason for that. It is our own inner voice and conscience that tells us it's wrong to kill and steal and that we should love one another. Most people have that whether they believe in a god or not.

There are parts of Catholicism that I really love. I attended mass for a year when I volunteered at a Honduras orphanage, and I loved the tradition and community. I'm a big fan of Pope Francis, and I admire the charitable work different faith-based organizations do. I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher, and I kind of want to be a Jesuit when I grow up.

Most atheists understand why people need God and religion. It brings a sense of comfort and hope in a scary world and provides structure and community. We're not looking to dismantle organized religion but rather to keep it in its place — inside the home or place of worship and outside government and public education.

Many of us, anyway. Atheists recognize that a lot of holiday traditions are actually pagan (e.g. Easter eggs, Christmas trees). Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are secular for us, but we take part in the themes that speak to us: joy, gratitude, family, togetherness, and giving to others.

We're not trying to highjack your holidays (neither is Starbucks). Contrary to popular belief, the nativity in your front yard and a cheerful "Merry Christmas" don't offend us in the slightest, even though we don't honor the birth of the Messiah. We think there's room for everyone to celebrate in their own way.

Most atheist parents try to educate their children about different religions and let them decide for themselves when they're old enough to make that choice. My daughter may go to church with her dad now, but if she concludes that youth group just isn't for her, that's her prerogative. Likewise, I'll drive her to confirmation classes if that's her jam. If my child grows up to be religious or not, I don't want it to be because a particular worldview was shoved down her throat. Yes, that includes mine.

I hesitate to even say this because I understand that proselytizing is part of many religions. However, I am uncomfortable going to events at places of worship because I am worried that I will be aggressively questioned. I've had experiences that amount to religious bullying, and I'm not about it. I'm much more likely to attend a function at a church if the invitation comes from a friend who lets their character and actions speak for their faith.

We don't have to agree on everything in order to be friends. As long as both sides are respectful, there's no reason we can't get together for a playdate. Some of us are even in Moms of Preschoolers (MOPS), a Christian-based support group. We all need our tribe, and religion shouldn't be a barrier.

I'm not saying that religious moms are lying to their kids. Like, at all. I know they're sharing what they believe. Atheist moms opt for scientific explanations, however, and in the absence of surety, we'll say we don't know. Now, I know that science and religion can and do co-exist, so I'm definitely not assuming that all religious parents mock science or avoid using science when explaining the wonders of the world. I am simply speaking from my experience.

When my daughter inevitably asks me what happens when you die, I will tell her, "Nobody really knows. Some people believe you go to heaven. I believe that the part of you that makes you you leaves your body but continues to exist in the memories of your loved ones."

Atheists have been turned off of organized religion for a variety of reasons, from the sex abuse scandals of the Catholic Church to the questionable financial dealings of mega-churches to their own religious journey to bad experiences with religious individuals to a wide variety of personal, unique experiences.

For many of us, however, the tipping point is intolerance. It's interesting because most religions teach forgiveness and withholding judgment. As an advocate for LGBTQ and women's rights, I've been disappointed specifically by the stance of many (but by no means all, which I want to highlight again) Christians.

For the non-religious, tolerance extends to all ways of loving and being. You'll likely hear us talking to our children about being inclusive and allies, but honestly, I know plenty of religious mamas whose faith drives them to raise their kids the same way.

It is not respectful to say you feel sorry for my child or that my immortal soul is in danger (in not so nice words, that I'm going to Hell). In a society like ours, parents should be able to raise their children the way they want to without fear of retribution. And yes, that absolutely means that you should be able to practice your faith without being belittled, too.

Atheists don't reject religion so that they don't have to follow the rules. We are good people who most certainly want to cultivate a moral compass in our children. We want them to choose patience, love, kindness, and peace, and although we may not see them as fruits of the spirit, they're just as important to us.

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