Life
10 Things Every Mom Thinks When She Brings Her Baby Home, But Doesn't Say Out Loud
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Congratulations! You've just given birth. You're physically exhausted and have ridden an emotional roller coaster, but you've also given life. Take a minute to let that soak in. However, before too long it'll be time to hit the road. As you prepare to load up that sweet babe (and their many accessories), your mind will be racing, and those thoughts may not necessarily be ones you want to say out loud. But rest assured, there are things every mom thinks when she brings baby home for the first time, so you're definitely not alone.
I went into labor with my daughter at 4 a.m. on a Saturday morning, and had her at 9:00 a.m. the next day. We were out of the hospital and on our way home by Monday afternoon. As a first-time mom, it was freaking terrifying. I like to say I have a Type A personality, so I did everything I could to get ready for my newborn. I read all the books, attended classes, prepped all the things; I even made myself a little breastfeeding basket. None of that, however, kept me from feeling utterly unprepared when it was time to take my newborn daughter home.
It's a scary thing, being responsible for a human life, especially one that needs your constant care and attention for survival. You're also afraid to voice your fears because, well, you're the mommy now. You're supposed to have all the answers and you're the one everyone turns to and you're the glue that holds this family together. Fear not, mama. In a few days, you'll hit your stride and knock this motherhood thing out of the park.
"You're Kicking Us Out So Soon?"
Gone are the days of week-long stays in the hospital after giving birth. In 1970, the average length of stay was 4.1 days. That decreased to 2.6 days by 1992. These days, you can expect to stay 48 hours after an uncomplicated vaginal birth, or 96 hours after an uncomplicated cesarean section.
We left the hospital about 18 hours after the birth of our daughter, and we have good insurance (doubly covered at the time, actually). If it seems like you're getting the boot early, you're not alone.
"You're Really Going To Let Me Leave With This Tiny Human?"
Every mother has that moment where she realizes the hospital staff is actually going to let her take this precious, precarious living being home. I mean, you have to fill out an application and agree to home visits in order to adopt a purebred puppy, but they'll just let you walk out the door with a human child (provided they're yours, of course).
It's tempting to believe that your baby would be much better off in the care of medically-trained professionals, including those nurses with seemingly magical powers. Don't underestimate yourself, though. Trust in your maternal instincts and the fact that you are uniquely equipped to provide for your baby's most important need: love.
"WTF Is That On My Baby?"
First-time moms who are expecting to push out an adorable 5-month-old, thanks to the media and how labor and delivery is portrayed, can feel a little disappointed when they get ready to bring home a smoosh-faced, cone-headed infant with a variety of unsavory characteristics; from milia to an umbilical cord stump to blotchy skin.
You know those cute little pink and blue striped caps they put on newborn babies? Well, you may be in for a nasty surprise when you take that thing off and find the world's worst case of dandruff (aka cradle cap). It's OK, you are forgiven for thinking your baby is a little gross (just make sure you tell everyone else how cute he or she is).
"But I Don't Know How To Breastfeed!"
I'm sure some moms leave the hospital feeling like breastfeeding superheroes. The rest of us, however, are more like Pam from The Office. We may have had help from a nurse, midwife, and a lactation consultant, but we still don't know what the hell we're doing.
When I left the hospital, we were still resorting to squeezing colostrum out of my nipple onto a spoon and feeding it to the baby. I can assure you, however, that my little girl didn't starve. Newborns' stomachs are actually quite small. It took us awhile, but we soon figured out what worked best for us as a breastfeeding team.
"Oh No! Who's Going To Clean The Tar Butt?"
If you're lucky, you've been in the care of a kickass nurse and proactive partner who have both been changing diapers while you recover. That's about to change, sister. Welcome to the wonderful world of meconium. Just when you think the diapers can't get any worse, baby will start crapping green transitional poops, leaving you wondering what kind of fresh hell you've entered.
"How Does This Damn Car Seat Work?"
You thought you knew exactly what you were doing. You read the instructions and installed the car seat, checking that it was level and tight. You went to the hospital or fire department to get your child's safety seat inspected.
I even got to practice putting a baby in the damn thing, strapping a baby doll in and out of the seat like one of those high school kids that are forced to carry around a doll for a week. Imagine my surprise when I could not for the life of me figure out how to buckle up my lumpy, inert potato. I mean, beautiful baby. When my husband asked the nurse for help, she said she wasn't allowed to consult about car seats because of liability. She did suggest, however, that we be more concerned about making sure our baby could breathe than with the tightness of the straps. Thanks.
"How Slowly Can We Drive?"
I don't care what kind of bat out of hell you were before you had a baby. Once that precious cargo is in the back seat, you officially become a grandma driver. Hopefully, you're not driving yourself home from the hospital. God help your partner if they have a lead foot because all you're thinking is, "How slow can we go without getting the finger?"
"Visitors? Get The Hell Out."
All friends and relatives should know better than to visit in the first 24 hours you are home with your baby. That is sacred time for your family unit, and you shouldn't be disturbed. So if someone shows up? It's understandable to silently wish them bad juju, but you'll most likely suck it up and smile.
(Plus, if you get a casserole out of the deal, it's not a total loss.)
"Am I Enough?"
Short answer: yes. It can be overwhelming when you think about your baby's wide variety of needs; from nutrition and safety to affection and love. Please know that you have absolutely everything inside yourself to care for this baby and for that little one to thrive. It is completely normal to doubt yourself (we all do), but don't fall into the trap of thinking you're not enough. You are.
"Could I Possibly Love Anything More?"
Short answer: no. You thought you knew love before, but you were wrong. Of course, you love your parents, your partner, and your fur babies, but this is different. This love is the all-consuming, jump-in-front-of-a-speeding-bus kind of love. You're actually supposed to love your baby more. The best part? Your baby loves you, too.
