10 Things People Always Say To My Daughter That I Think Are Low-Key Very Creepy

I've said time and time again: telling a little girl she's pretty is fine. It's going on and on about it, to the exclusion of everything else that's the problem. When you act as though that's the only thing you value in my kid, that's what she's going to focus on in order to get that sense of approval and validation. I want her to strive to develop other parts of herself too, so how about we try celebrating something other than her appearance?

So this is invariably said by male family members and also almost invariably as a joke, but it still creeps me out on a few levels:

1. These kinds of jokes always reflect some level of how the person actually feels
2. Even suggesting that level of control over a person's body and autonomy is weird
3. It perpetuates the idea that sexuality is dirty and it's not
4. It suggests to me that you are attempting to protect your daughter from a level of disrespect that you yourself feel towards women

Oh. So you're threatening to murder people who dare show an interest in your daughter. OK. Ew. Don't. Not only is murder generally frowned upon, but this suggestion is creepy for all the reasons listed in my last point.

Ah yes. Because once a girl knows that boys might like her, she's going to cease to be an individual, give up her dreams, and spend her days doing her hair and make up so that the boys will like her. Oh, and of course, all girls like boys. Get out of here with that heteronormative, insulting garbage.

If people used "ladylike" to simply describe respectful, appropriate behavior, that would be fine — but they don't. Accusations of not being ladylike are usually hurled at girls who dare not to be dainty, quiet, and demure. Take your ladylike and shove it up your bum...but if you're a woman, be sure to do it delicately. You wouldn't want to be unladylike.

I am going to stop you right there. Stop. Stop telling girls that disrespect/hurt = love. Even if you suspect some little boy is playing stupid games because he's been socialized to behave that way, we should be telling girls to call them out on that crap and demand the courtesy of would-be suitors/boyfriends/grade school crushes.

OK, not technically something my daughter is told directly but something I am told about my daughter within her hearing. YES. I'm going to let her wear what she wants. Her body, her choice. I don't care if you think she would look cuter in the dress or leggings with kittens on them. If she wants to wear her brother's old robot t-shirt and jeans I'm going to let her because it is creepy and weird to push our ideas of what we think it means to be a girl on our girls instead of just letting them be themselves. (Besides, my girl looks good in everything anyway.)

Why would she automatically want pink? It's not like female humans are born with a special region in our brains whose sole function is to attract us to pink things. It's a color. Some people like it; some people don't. My daughter's favorite color happens to be red. Quit trying to foist pink on her at every possible turn.

This kind of blanket excuse for all manner of wrong-minded behavior commonly displayed by men is why we can't have nice things*.

*a culture that isn't still very much laden with systemic validation of rape mentality

I've heard this one when my daughter gets emotional or demanding (aka, "bossy"). Ah, yes. Let's perpetuate the idea that women are irrational, dictatorial creatures and that "female behavior" is to be mocked and looked down upon. Seriously? Seriously?! Do you even hear yourselves? I can't with you people anymore. I'm taking a rocket to the moon and I'm taking my kids with me. Be back never.