There was a time when I slung beers to frat boys to pay my rent back in my college days, so I know a thing or two about intoxicated people. Their tequila-fueled feelings span both ends of the emotional spectrum. From the overly confident karaoke singer to the self-loathing cynic, I have seen it all. Now that I'm the mom of two boys, one of whom is a toddler, I find myself witnessing similar behavior on a day-to-day basis. I have been showered with hugs for simply supplying fruit cups, and (later the same day) shunned for not allowing my 2-year-old to use the power drill to disassemble his Cozy Coupe. Apparently not granting my child permission to use power tools before he can even urinate independently makes me an a**hole.
The everyday, unpredictable ups and downs have got me feeling quite nostalgic for my days tending bar. It’s almost as if while debating with my irrational toddler, I’m dealing with the same emotional instability of that collar-popping, fist-pumping d-bag who could drink his weight in Jager bombs. And it's got me thinking: Maybe my days behind the bar oddly prepared me for motherhood. Toddlers and drunks really aren’t so different after all.
Both Want To Party All Night
Toddlers hate bedtime as much as your drunk uncle hates last call. Whether they're reading Dr. Suess for the 27th time or owning bar trivia, neither can fathom their night ever ending. I can attest to the fact that they both go down kicking and screaming (but when they do, they go down hard).
Both Will Definitely Pass Out In The Car On The Way Home
It never fails: After a night of taking shots and doing the Electric Slide, or a long day of constructing small empires out of mega blocks and pretending to be a dragon, exhaustion inevitably overtakes excitement. The ride home from a fun day (or long night) always ends in open-mouthed snoring by both parties.
However, when a toddler passes out on the car ride home, we want to drive just a little bit longer because it's so flipping cute (and quiet, so quiet). When a toddler babbles, it's adorable, and when they dance, it's OK that they look like a newborn giraffe.
As for those adults who have had one too many, I mean, hey, they're pretty entertaining too. Also, they paid my way through college so I kind of owe them. And if given the opportunity or a date night to do so, I too would happily do the electric slide with an LIT in my hand.
If you really think about it, toddlers and drunks just want to be loved like the rest of us. They just want to eat cupcakes for supper and party all night. Sure, sometimes they turn into obnoxious jerks in the process but they mean well. And really, don't all of us want to eat cupcakes for supper sometimes?
Images: Kim Strømstad/Flickr; Giphy(10)