Life
100 Things I Want For My Daughter In This Sh*tfire Of A World
My daughter may only be 11 months old, but I already spend a lot of time worrying for her future (#momwithanxiety). I wonder whether she will grow up in a society that allows her full autonomy over her body. I wonder whether she'll experience sexual harassment once puberty hits, just as I did, or even before. I ask myself what I can do to make sure that she knows a person's worth is never determined by their waistline. I pray that she never feels guilty about enjoying a damn candy bar. That she knows how to find herself when the world is shifting under her feet. There are so many things I want for my daughter, and so many that I just don't know if she'll have.
When I learned what Luna's assigned sex would be, I was immediately inundated with mixed emotions. On the one hand, I was overjoyed. I could relate to a girl. I could teach her how to put on makeup if she showed interest, but tell her that it's OK if she doesn't. I could talk to her about love, sex, and consent. Then it hit me. There are so many pressures young women are subjected to. So many mixed messages they're fed, and expectations they're bombarded with. There's still so much danger that can follow their every step, and stigma that can coat their every action. It can all be so damn hard.
In terms of the person my daughter becomes, I ultimately hope she is a well-rounded, intelligent, caring human being. I hope she doesn't inherit her parents' anxiety, and that she is more comfortable in her skin than I was for two decades of my life. Still, there is a lot more I want for her. Things that maybe I didn't know, expect, or have access to when I was growing up. Things I want her to know, to expect, and to find out there in the world beyond her parents' arms.
1To know that she is entitled to an opinion.
2To grow up with a president who will fight for her rights.
3For sanitary items to be accessible to all.
4To know that she needn’t assign morality to food or size.
5And that she can enjoy a salad or a burger without feeling guilty.
6For reproductive decisions to be a right.
8To know what it means to give consent.
9To feel free to say “no” without being afraid for her safety.
10To feel free to say “yes” without being afraid of her reputation.
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12For her/their/his pronouns to be respected.
13To break style “rules” because there really are none.
14To wear whatever the hell she wants, no matter what her body looks like.
15To know that fat, thin, or anywhere in between, she matters. She is beautiful. She is worthy of tolerance.
16To clap back against fat shaming and other forms of body policing.
17To allow herself to feel “pretty.”
18To know that “pretty” is not the most important thing. Maybe it’s not important at all.
19To know (as she does at 11 months) that pooping, farting, burping, and other such things are natural… not shameful.
20To love any boy or girl or person of her choosing (as long as they're not a d*ckhead).
21Every clothing store to carry every size, so that she never feels alienated.
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23For dress codes to stop being so damn sexist.
24To know that the mantra “boys will be boys” is bullsh*t.
25Because people should be decent human beings regardless of their sex or gender.
26For children around her not to be taught that bullying others is form of play.
27Not to feel trapped into staying around someone who abuses her.
28Not to judge people according to the opinions of others.
29Strong female friendships that empower her.
30Strong female characters who inspire her.
31To be proud of her weirdness.
32And to stick up for her fellow weirdos.
33For there to always be good toilet paper.
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35And condom dispensers.
36And tampon dispensers.
37To enjoy childhood when she can.
38To enjoy adolescence when she can.
39To hold onto the kid she was, even as she becomes a grownup.
40To be able to step away from technology.
41But to utilize the beauty of technology and the inter-connectivity it creates as best she can.
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43To know that books are wonderful things.
44To be able to discuss her mental health.
45For aspirational beauty ideals to go extinct.
46To travel alone.
47To travel with people she loves.
48To know that money is important for survival in this world, but an abundance of it is not essential for happiness.
49To work hard, but rest hard, too.
50For quality of life to be a right, not a luxury.
51To enjoy television binges without feeling like a sloth.
52To enjoy being in nature.
53To enjoy all that cities have to offer, too.
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55To poop at work if she needs to.
56To have children, or not, as long as it’s her choice.
57To breastfeed, or not, as long as it’s her choice.
58To be able to breastfeed in public without harassment.
59To walk down the street without harassment.
60To walk alone at night without fear.
61To dress in modest or revealing clothing without lending herself to assumptions.
62To meet someone, or several someones, who love her just the way she is.
63But to surround herself with people who inspire positive and progressive change.
64To know that she doesn’t have to wear makeup.
65But that there’s nothing wrong with doing so.
66To know that her spirituality, or lack thereof, is her own to define.
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68To learn to work and collaborate with others.
69But to be the boss of her own life.
70To set realistic goals for herself.
71To know when she doesn’t want to climb the ladder.
72To feel like she has room to fail.
73To know that success doesn't have to be defined by your job.
74To ask for a raise if she believes she deserves it.
75To report workplace harassment.
76To try to help and support people who are struggling.
77To grow up in a world where people of all sizes, races, sexualities, abilities, and gender identities have representation.
78To play with toys or dolls for as long as she wants to (unless it's sleep time!).
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80To enjoy Halloween no matter how old she gets.
81To have a sense of humor.
82And not take herself too seriously.
83To know that sh*tty things will happen.
84But that maybe they make us stronger.
85To practice safe sex, and expect her partner(s) to do the same.
86But to know that even if she does catch something, she is not “damaged” or “repulsive.”
87Not to worry about getting dirty if she plays outside or hangs in the rain.
88And to sing in the shower.
89To see music performed live, as much as she can.
90To have empathy, always, even when it's hard.
92To know that people are rarely solely “good” or “bad.”
93Because “right” and “wrong” aren’t always that black or white.
94To learn about recreational drugs, without the blinding stigmatization so often used to educate kids now.
95To wear that low-rise bikini whether she’s a size 10, 20, or 30.
96To know that her elders aren’t always right.
97To stand up for what she believes in, even if that means standing against people in power.
98To know that she can always come home.
99To learn as much as she can about other cultures and ideas.
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101To learn as much as she can about her own.
102To know that not everyone will like her, and that's OK.
103To know when to apologize.
104To listen, even if she disagrees.
105To laugh heartily.
106And cry as hard as she needs to.
107To respect herself, her body, her decisions.
108But to poke fun at, and learn from, her mistakes.
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