11 Habits Of Couples Who Fight Fair, According To A Professional

Before you start a fight, think about why you're really angry. Is it because your partner didn't take the trash out? Or is it because your partner made a comment three days prior and you're still stewing over it? "Knowing why you're angry and knowing how to present your feelings before you get into an argument with your significant other will help eliminate any excess variables," Graham says. Figure out why you're mad before you bring it to the table, and you'll be able to explain yourself more clearly.

It's not always possible, but when you can, fight when you're both up for it. "Picking a fight with your partner when they're caught unprepared, tired, or otherwise, isn't fighting fairly," Graham says. Keep in mind that if you really want your grievances heard, you need to air them when your partner is prepared to listen.

As enticing as it is to call your partner all the names in the book when they've done something you're not happy with, it's not conducive to a fair fight. "Keep it clean," Graham says. Think about it. You don't appreciate being called names in the middle of a fight, so why would you lean on that tactic in the first place?

It can be hard to stick to the subject at hand, but it's important to do. "Don't bring up past trespasses or grievances," Graham says. "Take one issue at a time, or else your issues won't be addressed." Making one issue into a bigger issue is tempting, but isn't helpful in the long run.

This is where step one comes into play. Figure out your feelings before you go into a fight, so that you can accurately state your issue. "Being honest with your partner about why you're upset can be difficult, but it's the only way to resolve a fight," Graham says. Be bold, be brave, be honest.

Don't make the fight about another issue. Maybe you're embarrassed or sad about why you're angry, and it seems like it's easier to blame it on something easier. "Don't try and push the blame of your anger onto another issue," Graham says. "Being vulnerable and raw with your partner will only make you stronger."

In the midst of a fight, stay away from petty jabs at your partner. "Don't call your partner names, and don't bring up weaknesses just to hurt your partner," Graham says. "Keep your fight focused, and keep in mind how you'd like to be treated when you're at fault."

Don't just talk their ear off. You've got to listen to them, too. "Without listening to your partner, you can't grow or learn from the altercation," Graham says. Listening is a key part of every relationship, and a key part of every fight. "It can be easy to tune your partner out during a fight, but it's important to listen to what they have to say."

Don't live tweet your fight, y'all. "A fight between you and your partner should stay between you and your partner," Graham says. Broadcasting your dirty laundry to the neighbors, your friends, your family, puts you and your partner at a disadvantage. Keep your fights to yourself to keep your friends and family out of the fight.

"Finding a safe place to verbally spar with your partner is important," Graham says. You can't always plan when a fight occurs, but you can recognize that the produce section at the grocery store isn't the best place to have it.

What's the point in fighting if nothing changes? "When you listen to your partner during a fight, you hear their grievances," Graham says. "When your partner listens to you, they hear yours. In order for a fight to be fair and worthwhile, you need to work together to implement changes." Fixing the problem, and really fixing it, will help you and your partner both grow and mature in your relationship, making your bond stronger than before.