11 Sacrifices My Partner Made The First Year Of Parenthood That Saved Me

Usually my partner and I split cooking duties. However, after I had our son and for the few (read: many) months that followed, he handled all of the cooking. I know that it wasn't necessarily fair, but I was so focused on feeding our son (I was exclusively breastfeeding) that he took it upon himself to feed the rest of the people in our home.

In the end, this shift in responsibility worked really well for us, but I do realize that making him completely responsible for any and all home-cooked meals was a sacrifice on his part. After all, sometimes cooking is the worst.

To be fair, I took over 100 percent of the dishwashing, so I think this change ended up benefiting all involved. However, I maybe did the laundry a handful of times the first year our son was born. It was easier for my partner to handle the never-ending loads of baby clothes (and clothes with baby spit-up splattered all over them), and he was more into folding clothes than cleaning dishes, so that's how we divided the housework.

He kept our clothes clean and I kept our forks and spoons clean. Win-win.

It's not safe for a pregnant woman to clean a cat's litter box, so my partner handled the cat droppings for nine long months. Like the grown-ass man he is, he continued to clean it after our son was born, and has made it his sole responsibility since. I make sure the cat is fed and has water, and he cleans up her poop and pee.

It's a pretty easy division of pet ownership responsibility, however I know this is somewhat of a sacrifice for my partner. He absolutely hates doing it. Like, with a passion. He loathes it and I can see the disdain on his face when he travels to the bathroom to take care of the cat's business. He's a warrior, that man.

Whether it was the well-intentioned family members who wanted to visit a few days (sometimes a few hours) after the baby was born, to the parents who were adamant about us taking a cross-country trip for the holidays when our baby was 4-months-old, my partner handled the potentially awkward conversations when it came to family members and expectations.

Of course, after a few weeks postpartum I was able to get my feet underneath me and deal with other people besides the newborn baby attached to my boobs, but knowing that my partner was more than willing to "take the heat" when a new grandparent was going to be upset about this schedule change or that canceled visit, made all the difference.

With the raging postpartum hormones and the self-doubt I couldn't help but feel and being touched out and suffering from postpartum depression, I wasn't necessarily "myself" after I had a baby. In fact, it took a while to get used to motherhood and my postpartum body, and feel like I knew who I was now that I was someone's mom.

Thankfully, my partner didn't take it personally. Honestly, it would have been easy for him to, because a few of my fears and insecurities and frustrations were unfairly directed towards him. He took the brunt of my emotional exhaustion, but he did it because he knew what I had been through when it came to pregnancy, labor, delivery and postpartum life. He was more than willing to be somewhat of an emotional punching bag (without it ever crossing into abuse, of course) and I knew that I could lean on him when and if I needed to.

Now, and to be clear, I don't think "not having sex" is a sacrifice, per say. I mean, waiting the six weeks (or more) should be a given, because sex isn't "owed" to someone by someone else regardless of the relationship those two people share. Because, you know, consent.

However, I'm a sexual person so I know that going a long period of time without sexual contact can be difficult. After all, masturbation can only take you so far (even though it's kind of awesome). So while I won't throw my partner a parade for going without sex until I felt ready — because, again, bodily autonomy and consent — I do think it's important to acknowledge that it's not easy. We all want to feel connected and intimate and passionate with someone. I know that I missed having sex with my partner, too, but I also had to heal from labor and delivery, had to connect with myself and my new body, and had to find the energy to actually have sex.

I used to love, and I mean love, driving. It was my way to find neutral and relax and just de-stress. Before I had a baby I would get in my car, drive with no destination in mind, listen to music and cruise.

Now? Well, now I have this irrational fear of vehicles. I feel an extreme amount of anxiety any time I am in a car, and especially if my son is in the car with me. I just can't handle it, so my partner drives. Of course, he doesn't really mind so I'm not sure this qualifies as a "sacrifice," but still; I'm grateful.

This was really for both of our benefit, because when left to my own Googling devices it was highly likely that I'd end up convinced I have cancer or my son has cancer or everyone I know and love has cancer and we're all going to die a horrible death.

Google is evil, you guys. Web MD and Google are just evil.

My partner and I chose to co-sleep with our baby; a decision made the first night of his life. He had a difficult time regulating his body temperature, so our doctors and nurses suggested that he sleep in bed with me, skin-to-skin. My body was able to help his body regulate its temperature, and from that night on my baby and I slept in the same bed.

However, three people in a bed (even when one person is very, very small) can get crowded, so my partner took one for the team and slept on our living room couch a good majority of the time. It was so much easier, since I was the one breastfeeding our son, but I know that sleeping on a couch for almost a year isn't all that enjoyable.

I had some feelings when I was postpartum, you guys. I was unsure of myself and I was afraid that I wouldn't be a great mother and I wanted to keep working but I felt guilty that I loved my career as much as I did (and do) and I was just knee-deep in all the feels.

So, my partner listened to me every time I had a mild (or not-so-mild) freak out. I think this is (or should be) par for the relationship course, but it doesn't mean it's not a sacrifice to listen to someone have an existential crisis very other day, especially when you know they're going to be fine. He was always kind and supportive and patient with me and my feelings, which meant the world to me (especially when I emerged from the postpartum haze of exhaustion and sleep deprivation).

In my opinion, relationship are never a 50/50 split of give and take. More often than not, one person will require more from the other, so it's more of a 60/40 or a 70/30 situation. As long as the pendulum swings in the opposite direction — so both partners are getting what they need, and giving what the other person needs, when necessary — I think it's safe to assume you have a pretty healthy relationship.

However, for over a year I would say that my partner consistently gave me more than 50 percent. Of course, that's because for about a year, I was giving him (and our future family) more than my 50 percent. I was growing a human being in my body, then pushing that human being from my body and into the world, and then recovering from pregnancy and labor and delivery and feeding that human being with my body. He saw, firsthand, the percentage I was willing to give him and our soon-to-be family of three, so he didn't consider his postpartum contributions to be "sacrifices." In the end, it was just part of being in a relationship. He was just being a member of our new family.