There are some pretty miraculous moments associated with pregnancy. I loved feeling my kid kick my ribs; I loved feeling him hiccup; I loved hearing his heartbeat; I loved watching my body grow and expand and do something truly remarkable. However, if I'm being honest, a lot of that was overshadowed by how freakin' sick I was. Morning sickness is the damn worst and I spent a good majority of my pregnancy in the bathroom, nauseous and puking and sending texts every mom with morning sickness sends. I mean, if I was going to be that damn miserable, I was definitely going to share that misery with the world AKA anyone with a phone.
It's hard to adequately describe just how horrible morning sickness can be. Sure, most people have had the flu and plenty of people have been hungover, but morning (read: all day) sickness is like the two combined and infinitely worst. In the absence of an accurate definition, I sent text messages. Sure, the people I love and cared about weren't necessarily in my shoes and, in turn, couldn't experience what I was going through, but a few characters and a couple of emojis did the trick (or at least helped me feel like I was being heard and understood). Sometimes, when you're puking almost every hour of every day, simply complaining and bitching and asking people to feel sorry for you can make you feel like you'll get through it. Plus, I can't talk on the phone when my head is in the toilet, so communicating via text was more of a necessity than an actual choice.
Solidarity is powerful, so in the name of unanimity and because I'm no longer pregnant and not puking every few hours (so it's much easier to look back at morning sickness and laugh) here are a few text messages I sent when I was throwing up every single freakin' day. Pregnancy is so wonderful but wow can it be the worst.
When You Realize It's Just One Long Hangover
The most adequate description I have of "morning sickness," is an all-day, all-night hangover that doesn't necessarily go away. My morning sickness was relentless. It was horrific. It was every bad hangover I've ever had, all combined into one non-stop puke fest for which there was no end. All the bad parts of drinking with none of the good? No thank you.
When You Question Science
I mean, honestly. Why is this a thing? Yes, sure, I understand the reasons why morning sickness is a thing and that it's actually a good sign that your body is doing what it needs to do in order to facilitate a pregnancy, but honestly. Why? Why?!
When You Realize Morning Sickness Is A Lie
There is no answer to this question. Calling the relentless nausea and vomiting that accompanies most pregnancies "morning sickness," is straight-up bad marketing. It's a lie, you guys. We're being lied to and it is the worst. Someone should have warned us. Someone should have called it all-day-freakin'-long sickness.
When Your Food Choices Change
When figuring out what will and will not make you puke, you're pretty much rolling the figurative dice. Sometimes, it's just simple trial and error. sometimes, what didn't make you throw up a week ago, will have you running for the bathroom. There are some foods that won't make you throw up, usually, but every woman and every pregnancy and every gag reflex is, you know, different. Godspeed, good friend. Godspeed.
When You Need All The Food
Sometimes, the only way to curb your nausea and vomiting is to eat. Like, constantly. Eat all the things (that don't make you vomit). If you can keep a semi-full stomach, you'll either rid yourself of that constantly nauseas feeling, or at least have something to throw up (because dry-heaving is the worst).
When It Feels Endless
Usually, morning sickness begins around the six week mark and ends around the end of the first trimester. However, there are plenty of women who experience morning sickness for the majority, if not all, of their pregnancy. I, unfortunately, was one of those women and it is the freakin' worst. I had no idea if and/or when my morning sickness was going to end. Turns out, it ended when my pregnancy did.
When You Question Your Sanity
I mean, of course the kid is worth it. I can confidently say that my son is worth every single time I puked. However, it can be difficult to see the forrest through the trees (and the vomit). I had plenty moments when I thought, "Nope. This was dumb. I made a mistake. I made the biggest mistake." I didn't, but man, constantly throwing up will definitely leave you questioning your sanity.
When You Hate Being Pregnant
If you're constantly throwing up, hating pregnancy is going to be a pretty common feeling. I, personally, hated being pregnant and the constant nausea and vomiting was a very big reasons as to why. Know that, just because you hate being pregnant, doesn't mean you're going to be a bad mother or that you're being selfish or that you're not being thankful for the ability to procreate. It just means that, well, throwing up all the time is the pits.
When You Need A Positive Reminder
Scientists aren't entirely sure what causes morning sickness, but a pretty popular theory is that morning sickness is the body's reaction to a specific pregnancy hormone (human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG). In other words, if you're puking your face off, it's because you're pregnant and your body is reacting to it. It's a good thing, you guys. I mean, it sucks a big fat one, but ti's a good thing.
When You Experience A Close Call
I can't tell you how many times I almost threw up on another human being while trying to get to work or go to the grocery store or just make my way through life. It was like college all over again, sans bars and alcohol.
When You Hate Everyone
You could send this text to your partner or your best friend or your mother or your favorite cousin or literally anyone who isn't pregnant and also miserable. At some point, you're just going to hate the world until the world brings you carbs. Then the world isn't so bad.
