Being a parent can be a little weird sometimes. Little humans have no sense of shame of embarrassment; they don't care if they're walking around with a load in their pants or yogurt in their hair; they certainly don't give a damn that their parents are the ones left to clean up the never-ending remnants of their constant chaos. However, toddlers are also kind of hilarious and totally weird, which at least makes the challenges entertaining. They do a lot of things that only people parenting toddlers could understand; things that seem a little (read: very) weird, and even borderline insane to outsiders. If you've ever lived through the havoc of toddlerhood, what some people see as strange or insane is just another day in the life.
If you're the parent of a toddler, your days probably resemble something in between a soap opera and a circus. There are terrible things about having a toddler that are actually pretty funny when you look back, but that doesn't make navigating your way through it without losing all of your hair (or sobriety) any less maddening. Whether you're trying to feed a picky eater, or combating some other insane reason for your toddler's meltdown, sometimes the only way to deal to with toddlers is to just cry (although drinking heavily is always an option).
Every day is a battle field when you're raising a toddler; a sticky, smelly, messy, and emotionally unstable battle field, but there's no denying that every second of that battle is entertaining, at the very least. It's also a little, well, weird, but thankfully there's a sense of solidarity among those who are also parenting toddlers. The following 11 things might seem odd to some people, but a toddler parent wouldn't even bat an eye at them.
Toddler Jibberish
Toddlers have a language all their own, which sounds like a mixture between drunken babbles, pig latin, and words that sort of make sense. If you've never tried to have an effective conversation with a toddler, you might struggle trying to interpret their diction or just, you know, communicate in general. However, if you're the parent of a toddler, that jibberish makes perfect sense to you and you know exactly what they're telling you (which is, usually, that they want some more apple juice).
The Completely Unreasonable Meltdowns
The other day my son got mad at me because Mickey Mouse wasn't on our television. He's also been known to throw fits about his snacks not being cut into the correct size; his toy cars not being called by the name he gave them; a green cup not being a red cup; a snack he specifically asked for not magically manifesting into chocolate or jelly beans. This seems weird and completely unacceptable to some people, but toddler parents understand that even the most seemingly insignificant of events can throw a wrench in a child's otherwise perfect day.
Missing Socks
Doing laundry when you've got small children, who wear small clothing, poses the risk of making you feel like you've lost your mind, along with your kids' socks. Toddler socks are tiny and very difficult to locate once they've been separated from their mates in the abyss of your kid's other tiny laundry. Constantly searching for little bitty socks, most likely to no avail, is probably the reason behind the sock-eating dryer conspiracy, and if you've got a toddler, you definitely believe it.
Being A Little Too Comfortable With Urine On Everything
Potty training is definitely gross, but eventually toddler parents get comfortable with the fact that there's probably urine on the floor somewhere. It's weird, yes, but it's also pretty inevitable.
Cheering For Someone Else To Poop
As adults, bowel movements are a common part of our lives and no one offers us any gold stars for using the restroom properly. But as parents of toddlers, using the potty for their poo is sort of a huge deal, so we basically throw them a miniature parade every time that happens. Don't judge us; when our kids learn how to use the potty, we get one step closer to not having urine on our floors.
The Sniff Test
Toddler parents sniff a lot of, um, questionable substances. In fact, there should be a support group for the parents of toddlers, where we can open up about all of the things we've had to sniff during our parenting journey. The "Is it poop, or is it chocolate?" sniff is a very real thing, and yes, it's also gross.
Being Overly Invested In The Lives Of Cartoons
I can't tell you how many times I've put my kids to bed and continued to watch their shows because, yes, I had to find out what happens to the characters. I am admittedly overly invested in the plots of various cartoons, and my husband and I frequently converse about the happenings on our sons' favorite shows. Hey, cartoons are way more uplifting than the news, so they serve as a safe place for me, even when my kids are sleeping.
Giving Blatantly Obvious Instructions
As adults, we understand that things like running into oncoming traffic, or drinking Windex, could pose a risk to our help. Our toddlers, however, haven't yet learned what road kill or chemical poisoning means, so saying things like "Don't walk into traffic," and "Don't drink bleach," are a fairly normal part of a toddler parent's day. We might be raising geniuses, but even geniuses had to be taught not to consume cleaning products at some point in their lives.
Constantly Worrying That Someone Swallowed A Marble
Toddlers have a universal face they make when they've put something in their mouths that has no business being there. Tiny objects terrify toddler parents, because we know that anything that will fit in their mouth becomes fair game for consumption.
Answering The Same Question 87 Times
Repetition gives toddlers comfort; it helps them to learn and grow and be confident. It also makes their parents want to pull their hair out. I'm happy to answer my son's many pressing questions, but after the 16th time, my enthusiasm for being my toddler's version of Google kind of makes me resent my education.
That Feeling You Get When Your Kid Finally Goes To Sleep
When you're constantly taking care of an all-consuming little human, you don't get a ton of free time for yourself. That's why a toddler's bed time is basically a parent's party time. Even five minutes of not being needed by someone else is a toddler parent's equivalent of a week on the beach, and getting to enjoy a clutter-free house (even if just for a few hours) gives us the same buzz as a tall glass of wine. It's frankly a little sad that it's so blissful, but my kid is sleeping right now, so I'm too drunk on freedom to care.
