12 Things Every Mother Wishes The Media Would Get Right About Breastfeeding

When’s the last time you remember seeing a baby breastfed on a TV show? If a baby was a character on television, you can bet it was bottle fed. Obviously that's fine, as plenty of babies are bottle fed, but it's definitely not an accurate representation because, well, plenty of babies aren't bottle fed, too.

I’ve seen too many “dead weight” babies passively nurse on television. I don’t know about your kids, but mine did a good deal of wiggling around, crossing and uncrossing their legs, unlatching and latching and unlatching again, patting my chest with their hands while they nursed. Don’t believe the babies on TV when they latch on and freeze. It’s a myth.

Has anyone ever seen a breastfeeding mom position her baby in the football hold in a scripted TV show? I sure haven’t.

Too often, the fact that a character is nursing a baby is the only reason to have a scene of a character nursing a baby. Like, the narrative stops so that we can witness someone downplay their discomfort or disgust being near a breastfeeding baby. It's made to be a big thing, when it really isn't. Can’t these characters evolve, just a little bit, and get over it?

Was it the "Time" cover on motherhood that started it all? The media loves to play devil’s advocate when it comes to how long a mom breastfeeds her kid. True, most of us don’t see 4-year-olds nursing as often as we do 4-month-olds, but does that give anyone the right to judge a mom for doing what works best for her and her kid, especially if she’s not hurting anyone in the process?

Again, scenes in which moms are nursing babies serve mostly for other characters to express some sort of opinion on the matter. Even if it is played to illustrate the character’s ignorance, and for the audience to sympathize with the nursing mom, it’s tired and played out and not indicative of what really happens when a woman breastfeeds. Sure, some people will say something, but for the most part, a mom breastfeeds her kid and no one says anything because the kid is just having a meal.

We love seeing celebs like Chrissy Teigen and Gisele Bundchen in all their breastfeeding glory, whether for a cover story or just an Instagram pic. However, even if their intentions are pure, it doesn’t exactly normalize the act. They are models and they're not just like us and, well, breastfeeding usually doesn't look that way. So while we love having these ladies in our breastfeeding corner, I can’t help but feel like I could never live up to the glamorous depictions of their nursing sessions.

Breastfeeding in movies and TV is mostly played for laughs. I guess it’s nervous laughs, indicating that people just can’t get comfortable with the idea of a woman using a sexualized part of her body for anything other than, well, sex. I don’t recall one hilarious thing happening while breastfeeding my kids (except that time I totally shot my kid in the face during a forceful letdown). But I do remember feeling really close to them, and really relieved to be sitting down. That may sound boring, but I would really appreciate it if someone captured that in a scene. Breastfeeding can be boring; breastfeeding can be uneventful; breastfeeding can just be a normal part of anyone's particular day.

Some moms pump. Really! It’s true! Rarely do you get a glimpse of that on a screen. Or even a reference to the act, or a meaningful plot point. It would be nice to see that part of my life accurately portrayed in the media. And not just from the male point-of-view, like it was in "The Big Short."

With each of my kids, I pumped at work for a year, until they had transitioned to cow’s milk during the daytime when I was at my job (I still nursed them in the mornings and at night until they were over two). However, I wouldn’t have even had to pump if I was offered paid leave. Yes, I was guaranteed 12 weeks of FMLA, but my company’s pay policy at the time was, well, lame; I got a few weeks of disability at 60% of my salary and then, if I wanted a paycheck, I had to use my vacation time. If I could have afforded to stay at home longer, I wouldn’t have been forced to lug that breast pump everywhere and stress out over scheduling pump sessions around meetings and deadlines.

While the media talks up the “benefit” of working moms an highlight the fact that companies are required to provide them with a clean, dedicated, private space to pump milk, perhaps the bigger issue is having to get back to work so quickly in the first place. I’m sort of over hearing how offices are accommodating working moms with pump rooms. How about they accommodate us with more paid time to transition back to work when we aren't the primary sustenance-providers for our babies?

We read the reports on the benefits of breastfeeding; we analyze the data; we want the best for our kids. But, at the end of the day, breastfeeding is not math. So much goes into the decision to do it; financial factors, emotional factors, work-life balance (ha!) factors., medical factors and whether or not it's even an option. I, personally, had to supplement with formula with my first kid because I wasn’t producing enough milk for a while. With my second, I had an overproduction issue. Breastfeeding isn’t an exact science and it isn't "easy" and it would be awesome if the media would show the difficulties associated with breastfeeding, so that more women like me wouldn't feel alone or defunct.

Some of us breastfeed, but don’t love breastfeeding. Some of us want to breastfeed desperately, but can’t. Some of us love it and are crushed when our babies wean. Breastfeeding, like parenting, is not an all-or-nothing scenario. It’s complicated.