Considering a pregnancy lasts a good 40 weeks (more or less), one can therefore expect to be growing a fetus on most of the major holidays. Usually this kind of sucks, since your enjoyment might be hindered by the physical and emotional limitations put upon you by pregnancy. But Halloween? Being pregnant on Halloween is the damn dream. OK, you won't be able to guzzle down cocktails with names like "Witch's Brew" or "Love Potion Number 9," but the pros far outweigh these few, ultimately minor setbacks.
For as long as I can remember, I've been obsessed with Halloween. I love the aesthetic, I love the weather, I love the costumes, and I absolutely love the decorations. I shamelessly adore the fact that it's one of the few holidays with absolutely no expectations. You don't have to give gifts or force yourself to enjoy a big family dinner or travel great distances or go to all-day religious services. You dress up, you eat candy, and you have fun. And if you don't want to (you weirdo) you're under zero obligation to do anything (but it's your loss, yo).
I wasn't pregnant on Halloween when I had my first (September baby) and I was only newly pregnant the second time when Halloween came around (May baby), but I still found that there were all sorts of perks that went along with gestating during this ghoulish time of year. So if you're currently growing a human inside your body and eyeing Halloween with trepidation, rest easy, my pregnant friend. You're about to have a fantastic time, and for the following reasons:
Because There's A Candy For Every Craving
Halloween brings forth the greatest treats. Oh sure, Easter puts up a good fight with Peeps and Robin's Eggs, Christmas has cookies, Thanksgiving has pies, and Purim brings us hamentashen. But for sheer numbers, variety, and ubiquity (not to mention the saccharine ecstasy of candy corn alone) you just can't beat Halloween. Besides, if we're being honest, candy is, like, basically the point of the holiday. At the very least it's one of the major points. All other holiday foods are just supposed to be perks that celebrate something more important. Halloween? Really it's all about fun and candy and even more candy.
As a pregnant person you're generally more entitled to eat with reckless abandon. When all your favorite candies are readily available to you? I'm pretty sure the most hedonistic Roman emperors didn't have it any better than you.
Because Costumes Are A Communal Party Activity That Isn't Drinking
Parties can be awkward for a pregnant woman since so much of party culture often revolves around alcohol (and other substances). Since you can't get tipsy these days, that can mean parties are pretty much just you sitting there while everyone else gets their drink on. But while Halloween parties have their fair share of debauchery, I would argue that the costumes are at least as much a part of the fun as the booze.
So you may not be able to pound back the Halloween themed cocktails, but you can dress up with the best of them.
Because There Are Amazing, Belly-Centric Costumes
You guys? Just do a Google image search for "pregnant Halloween costume." It's amazing how well you can incorporate a round belly into your look. From gumball machines to gory baby dolls popping through a t-shirt, from famously pregnant characters to an avocado with a prominent round pit, the possibilities are endless and limited only by your imagination. For example, you could go highbrow and throw together a Hester Prynne costume with stuff you found lying around the apartment and then humblebrag about it in a roundup of why Halloween is amazing for pregnant women...
You know, just an example.
Because Pregnancy Boobs + Costumes = New Possibilities
Halloween is famous for its sexually provocative costumes for women. This can be annoying for those times when you just want to be a Ghostbuster, damnit, not a sexy Ghostbuster. But hey, if you want to get a little revealing with your get-up, go you. Enjoy! Hopefully your newly plumped up pregnancy boobs can help make this an All Hallow's Eve to remember.
Because You Can Blame Pregnancy Brain When You Spend Your Last Paycheck On Halloween Decorations
I'm usually not one to hide behind a pregnancy or children just so I can do silly, ill-advised things... but I make exceptions for Halloween. Besides, have you seen the Halloween aisle at Home Goods this year, people? Skulls! Bats! Spiders! So. Much. Black!
Now can I, as a non-pregnant person on a budget, justify going to town in such a Halloween paradise? Not really. Not without claiming I entered some sort of fugue state, which just doesn't fly anymore ever since Walter White faked one on Breaking Bad. But as a pregnant woman, I could probably just cue the waterworks and emotionally talk about how bad I felt with all this morning sickness and how Halloween decorations are just a little thing that make my days more bearable.
Manipulative? A little, yes, but Target has a Ouiji board cocktail tray available and I would not be above this sort of thing to justify buying 12.
Because Your Belly Makes A Convenient Popcorn Shelf While Watching Scary Movies
October is my month of horror movies. (Though, if we're being honest, I try to start in September and end sometime shortly before Thanksgiving.) At least once a week I pop in a spooky movie I read about on some "best of" list, curl up on the couch, and watch through a tiny crack between my fingers. Having a round pregnant tummy is a great place to hold your popcorn and also gives you something to cling to in moments high tension and stress.
Because It's OK To Cry At The End Of 'Hocus Pocus'
Because Binx dies, you guys! He dies after more than 300 years! But then it's time for happy tears because he's finally reunited with his little sister, Emily. The parallel stories of older brothers protecting younger sisters?! I mean, come on! It's enough to bring a tear to your eye... which, under normal circumstances, would make most people laugh at you because it's a Disney movie about comical, singing, dancing witches. But when you're pregnant, well, your effusive shows of emotion are more easily understood and blamed on an excess of weepy hormones.
Because Your Tired, Worn Out, Zombie-Like Pregnancy Face Isn't Out Of Place
For every woman who's ever laughed derisively at the idea of a "pregnancy glow," Halloween is the holiday for you. Because not all of us look extra pretty when we're growing a human. Some of us look downright haggard throughout the entire godforsaken process. We get bags under our eyes (from lack of sleep and/or weird new pigmentation), we're puffier, our noses and gums are constantly bleeding, we projectile vomit, and, well, it's a horror show. Fortunately, Halloween is the time of year when we all look forward to horror shows.
Because Of All The Pranks
If you re a pregnant woman who doesn't pretend her baby is a demon bursting forth from her abdomen at least once in the month of October you've basically failed at being pregnant.
Because It Gets You Excited To Dress Up A Baby Next Year
Because this time next year, your baby will be a pliable lump of adorable Halloween clay to mold however you please. Start gathering your ideas now and enjoy, because you only have a few short years before they start getting opinions on their costumes. For example, the year my son was 2, tragedy struck when he absolutely refused to wear his Game of Thrones inspired King Joffrey costume. It was going to be so cool because I was going as Cersei and my husband as Jaime. My son ruined the whole theme and I still haven't forgiven him, four years later.
Heed my cautionary tale, friends! The only time I'll tell a parent to "enjoy every minute" is in regard to choosing their Halloween costumes.
Because It Gets You Excited To Experience The Joy Of Halloween Through A Child's Perspective Again
Halloween has always been my favorite day of the year and I didn't think having children could improve upon it. (If anything, I was a little bummed to think that my years of drunkenly wandering the East Village in costume were on hold for at least a decade.) But the first year both my children were capable of trick or treating I actually couldn't stop crying tears of pure, Halloween-covered joy. It's like your belly grows and then so, too, does your capacity to love this magical holiday.
Because It Gives You An Excuse Not To Go Out
If you're someone who doesn't like Halloween for some weird reason, being knocked up is a great excuse to sit quietly at home and... I don't know? Do whatever it is you poor joyless souls do with your time?
Because Any Time It's Halloween You're Living The Dream
Because after waiting all year it's here! Happy Halloween, mamas!
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