Life
13 Signs You're A Basic Fall Mom & Not Even A Little Bit Sorry
I've come to the conclusion recently that the term "basic," which can be used to varying degrees of derision, is a catch-all way to insult things that are popular among women. Rosé? Basic. Yoga? Basic. Starbucks? Basic. Target? Basic. Romantic comedies? So basic. Whatever. I've decided to embrace the things I like without apology, especially as fall approaches and I start to reach the zenith of my basic-ness. Here are some signs that you're a basic fall mom and not even a little bit sorry about that, too. (And, to be very clear, you shouldn't be.)
I live and was raised in New England, which is basically where fall was invented and anyone who thinks otherwise can fight me about it. It's a magical time of year because the weather is perfect, the foliage is magnificent, the fashions are undeniably on point, and the major holiday is Halloween, which, to be sure, is the greatest of all the holidays. (Again, these are facts, and you can fight me on them if you want but please know that I'm a damn gladiator.) And the best part about being a "basic" fall mom as opposed to your standard "basic" fall woman is that you have another human to share your love of fall with, molding their young and impressionable little minds.
So with all that in mind, here are some telltale signs that you're leaning into your fall fancies:
You Cannot Wait For Summer To End
I feel like the world is divided into quarters: normal humans, people who are obsessed with Christmas, people who are obsessed with summer, and those of us who are really into fall. I also feel as though there's a quiet but distinct contention between the summer people and us fall people. While they're reveling in their beaches and breezy Boho fashions and heat (WHY DO YOU LIKE SWEATING, WEIRDOS?!) we're over here resenting them as though their love of summer is the only thing that's keeping the season going and keeping us from our crisp, autumnal bliss. Like they're rubbing our faces in the fact that we have to keep waiting out this stupid summer nonsense.
OK, so I know it's not their fault but I need someone to blame because summer is the worst.
You Change Out Your Wardrobe As Soon As The Temperature Dips Below 75 Degrees
Even though, in the spring, you'll shed your jacket and throw on a sundress as soon as it goes above 50, right now you're all about getting the season started and wearing scarves and cardigans.
Knits, Leggings, & Tall Boots Are Your Jam
For the mom on the go, summer is a confusing time. After all, it's too hot for our leggings, and who are we without our leggings? (Or at the very least our elastic skinny jeans.) It's like I look in a mirror when I get dressed in the morning and there's a pasty-legged stranger staring back at me. Who is this sad woman and where are her comfortable stretchy pants? And what are leggings without some sort of knitwear to go with them? A large, cable-knit sweater, for example, or a long cardigan, or a whimsical scarf. Who doesn't like being cozy? Top off the look with tall boots and bam! Mom uniform! And yeah, it's basic, but you wear it proudly because it's functional and cute AF.
You Go To An Orchard & Pick Way More Apples Than You Will Ever Be Able To Eat
Why even have fall if you're not going to go apple picking!? Apple and pumpkin pimping are just what one does between September 1 and October 31.
Of course, what you don't factor in as you ecstatically fill bushel after bushel is the fact that there are only so many apples a human family can eat before they go bad.
But the way you say, every year, that you'll make pies with the extra apples dust highlight your optimism, which is as adorable as it is misplaced.
When The Halloween Shows Up In Stores In August You Ain't Even Mad
"Ugh! It's not even Halloween and the Christmas decorations are out!"
"Ugh! It's not even New Year's and the Valentine's decorations are out!"
"Ugh! It's not even Valentine's Day and the Easter decorations are out!"
But then as soon as your friend is like, "Ugh! It's not even September and the Halloween decorations are out!" you cover their mouths and hiss, "Shhhhhh! You shut up and just let this beautiful thing happen."
Then you buy a skeleton and a fall scented candle and several bags of candy corn, because of course you do.
Your Fall-Based T-Shirt Game Is Strong
What better way to proclaim your love of fall to the world than via cutesy t-shirts?
"It's Fall, Y'all!"
"Basic Witch"
"Oh My Gourd!"
And this is to say nothing of those maternity shirts that make your bump look like a pumpkin! Or t-shirts that show "your" rib cage and spine and then a little skeleton fetus. (I was never able to enjoy those, as I was never visibly pregnant in the fall, which was a shame.)
Your House Looks Like A Gourd Farm
So. Many. Decorative. Gourds.
So whimsical, yet so rustic. So colorful, yet so earthy. It's the best of all possible worlds. And the best part? Your kids probably won't break them. At the very least they won't really be able to hurt themselves with your various gourds. It's rare to find babyproof home decor but fall manages with aplomb.
You Boomerang Your Kids Jumping Into Leaves At Least Once A Week
A basic mom will boomerang everything, to be sure, but a basic fall mom will boomerang her child jumping in a pile of leaves over and over again because this is from whence she draws her strength.
You've Been Planning Family Halloween Costumes Since Last Christmas
This is the first and last time my family did a group Halloween costume. (And, sad fact, it was the year that then governor Chris Christie cancelled Halloween. This was the saddest I ever was about living in New Jersey, which is saying something.) Ever since this year, no one has cooperated in joining me in a group costume, despite knowing how much this means to me, because every member of my family is terrible.
Nevertheless, I persist in putting forth ideas every single year. I'm really angling for My Neighbor Totoro themed costumes this year, because I live in hope if not optimism.
Everyone In Your Family Is Sugared Up On Apple Cider
We can get apple juice all year long, but apple cider (which, fun fact, is just unfiltered apple juice) is exclusively available, more or less, in the fall.
So, as such, you get as much of it as you can for as long as you can, which results in giddy, sugary, jitters.
You Have Been Making Your Kids Watch 'Hocus Pocus' Since September 1
It's a classic, people.
(And, truth be told, my daughter has been watching since July because she's a little ghoul and I've never loved her more.)
You Tell Literally Everyone How Much You Love This Season
This is the second most obvious sign of a basic fall mom: you cannot shut up about how much you adore fall. Of course, you don't even make an effort because why would you keep all this love bottled up inside of you?! It needs to be spread out into the world where it can take root in the hearts of other basic people everywhere!
