So, perhaps you've heard that having a baby is hard work? I mean, if you are currently reading this with a newborn sleeping an arms length (or less) away, and the words are blurring at this very second, you're not alone. In fact, if you are currently reading this with even a hint of comprehension as that newborn sleeps, you're doing really well and you deserve copious amounts of praise and support. Honestly, motherhood is difficult and there are so many new mom moments that prove you're a grown-ass woman, capable of handling grown-ass things like, for instance, not remember if it's Tuesday or Friday because you're that exhausted (and, yes, that has definitely happened to me on more than one occasion). The good news? You will make it. You will come out on the other side and, honestly, you'll be stronger for it.
Having a newborn is a challenging and fulfilling and confusing and grueling time that's so exponentially full of love and frustration and snuggles that threaten to burst your heart on a, well, daily basis. And when it all comes to an end and you emerge victorious with your very own infant (which, I recently learned, is the stage after newborn), you can look back and, like Jamie Lee Curtis as the immortal Helen Tasker in 1994’s impenetrable classic action film True Lies (also starring Arnold Schwarzenegger), you can say, with gusto, “I did that, that was me, I was reckless and I was wild, and I f*cking did it.”
So, with that in mind, here are some new mom moments that are sure to solidify your status as a grown-ass woman.
When Your Baby Will Not Stop Crying
It's inevitable that, at some point, your baby will start to cry and then not stop for a while. It happens to all of us, just like when we all went through that phase of appreciating Taylor Lautner. And, like that phase, you will make it through.
When You Are Struggling With Breastfeeding
Logically, I know that there are some moms who have any easy time breastfeeding. For the rest of us, may I offer internet fist bumps of solidarity because it is way harder than you would think.
When It's The Middle Of The Night And You're Changing Your Third Diaper
Extra kudos if you don't have personalized diapers written to you by all of your baby shower attendees.
When It's The Afternoon And You're Changing Your Third Diaper
Because no matter the time of day, three dirty diapers in a row is the worst.
When You Try To Go Anywhere With Your Baby For The First Time
I'm nearly two years in, and I'm just barely starting to make it to places on time and without enough gear that I look like I belong in an REI or on the side of a mountain or on a train platform in Europe.
When Your Baby Shoots Some Kind Of Bodily Fluid All Over Your Clothes
It's a good thing babies are cute.
When Your Baby Shoots Some Kind Of Fluid All Over Your Clothes, In Public
I can't remember where I heard the advice to pack an extra shirt for myself in our diaper bag, but I did and it totally saved me after one particular intense spit-up that looked like someone splashed white paint all over me.
When You Have Truly Lost Count Of How Many Days It’s Been Since Your Last Shower
Thankfully, Amazon Prime saves us all from needing to venture into public when we're in this state.
When You Are Still Healing From Birth
I tend not to speak publicly about the length of time it took me to finally heal and feel like myself again, because I don't want to worry other women. Let's just say it took longer than I expected it to.
When Exhaustion Strikes But Sleep Is Nowhere In Sight
I recall explaining the newborn exhaustion to a girlfriend by saying that it's not unlike the day after a super-fun night in college. Except, there wasn't a lot of fun to be had and you can't nap after class and you don't get to catch-up on sleep for months and you didn't drink anything. Other than that, they are practically identical. Of course, making it through is a feat in and of itself.
When More And More Guests Keep Showing Up But You Just Want Your Home Back
It's sweet and wonderful and thoughtful and thanks for coming and I appreciate it and maybe, just maybe, I could perhaps just send you a nice email, instead?
When Your Baby Clearly Needs Something But You Don’t Know What It Is
The only thing non-scary left for it to be is gas. Please, oh, please, let it be gas.
When Your Baby Requires A Doctor Visit For The First Time
I am thankful to have access to modern medicine, truly, I am. I'm also, you know, pretty much always bummed when I have to actually use it.
When You Make Your First Mistake
You'll make it through, and you'll be stronger in the long run and your baby won't remember, so rest easy. Trust me, this mistake is the first of many.
