35 Funny St. Patrick's Day Quotes To Spread The Luck & Festivities

“As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.” — Irish Proverb

“May the luck of the Irish enfold you. May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you.”

“Be advised my passport’s green. No glass of ours was ever raised to toast the Queen.” ― Seamus Heaney

“Yeah, it’s St. Paddy’s Day. Everyone’s Irish tonight.” — The Boondock Saints

“That's right, there’s free beer in Irish paradise. Everyone’s jealous.” — Kevin Hearne

“You’re not in America now, you’re in Ireland. So have a drink and shut up.” — Leap Year

“There are only two kinds of people in the world, The Irish and those who wish they were.” — Irish saying

“Why should you never iron a four-leaf clover? You don’t want to press your luck.” — Daryl Stout

“Making [St. Patrick’s Day] a great day for the Irish, but just an OK day if you’re looking for a quiet tavern to talk, read, or have a white wine spritzer.” — Jon Stewart

“It is better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money!” — St. Patrick’s Day toast

“May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go.”

“St. Patrick's Day is named for Saint Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake.” ― Conan O'Brien

“We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.” ― Winston Churchill

“Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer and another one!” ― St. Patrick’s Day toast

“There’s a rabbi with a shillelagh, there’s a McCormack named Sean. There’s an Indian dude playing bagpipes, there’s a Chinese leprechaun. Nobody’s here from Ireland! Nobody’s here from Ireland, that’s for sure.” ― Jimmy Fallon

“I come from an Irish Family. St. Patrick’s Day was our big holiday. The night before we’d hang up our stockings, and in the morning they’d be full of beer.” ― Sean Morey

“St. Patrick: one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.” ― Charles M. Madigan

“Pro: It’s an Irish tradition to kiss the Blarney Stone. Con: It’s an American tradition to buy a green plastic hat at CVS.” ― Jimmy Fallon

“Who’s this Patrick anyway? The patron saint of liquor distributors? Here's the real truth, he didn’t get rid of snakes in Ireland. He just got rid of the ones he was seeing.” — Lewis Black

“Let’s drink green beer! Let’s do green Jell-O shots! Where’s your St. Patrick’s Day spirit?"

“We’re drinking green tea.” ― How I Met Your Mother

“It’s St. Patrick’s Day. Here in Scranton, St. Paddy’s day is a big deal. It is the closest the Irish will ever have to Christmas.” ― The Office

“Now for most of us, this lusty and raucous celebration means one thing above all else: gathering with rowdy friends to convivially overindulge in that nectar of the gods, bicarbonate of soda.” — Ana Gasteyer and Rachel Dratch, Saturday Night Live

“St. Patrick’s Day is like Valentine’s Day for people who love fun.” — Unknown

“It’s not easy being green.” — Kermit the Frog

“You gotta try your luck at least once a day, because you could be going around lucky all day and not even know it.” — Jimmy Dean

“Bad puns on St. Patrick’s Day don’t just shame you, they Seamus all.” — Unknown

“Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy.” — Fiona Shaw

“There is luck in leisure.” — Unknown

“Imagine if we were all magical leprechauns, and every wish ever made on a four-leaf clover obliged us to help others obtain their wishes. Now imagine if people simply lived like this were true.” — Richelle E. Goodrich

“May everything turn green today, except your gills!” — Lester B. Dill

“Legend says that each leaf of the clover has a meaning: the first is for hope, the second for faith, the third for love and, if you can find a 4-leaf clover, the fourth leaf represents luck.” — Jean LeGrand

“Be sure to wear green on March seventeen, or else Irish leprechauns pinch your bones clean!” — Richelle E. Goodrich

“May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight to knowwhen you have gone too far.” — Unknown

“Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me.” — Colin Farrell

“I’m respectfully devoting the day to eating Lucky Charms in my underwear.” — Unknown