18 Little Things To Do During Missionary To Make It Better

Placing a pillow (or pillows) under the bottom partner’s butt during missionary sex is a wonderful addition to vaginal penetration. This little ergonomic trick can “change up the angle of entry, and that in turn can provide more [and] different pressure along the course of the vagina [and] possibly change the depth of insertion, too, depending on how the pillows are positioned,” Queen says. Using pillows also provides better access to stimulate the clitoris, can be more comfortable for people with joint, hip, or back pain, and can help tighten your vaginal canal, giving you all the feels. Literally.

Sex on the beach isn't just a tropical drink — it's an invitation. Be sure to be discreet, and use a large sheet to keep the sand out of your business. But the beach is just one option. “There are way more places to have sex outside than the beach,” Queen says. “Whenever engaging in this kind of action, watch out for consent issues among any possible viewers, and remember you can actually just go to another room in your house if this seems too advanced or ‘out there’ for you.”

One of the more technical missionary positions, the goal of the coital alignment technique (CAT) is to “maximize clitoral contact in order to make coital orgasm more likely for the person on the bottom,” says Queen. “This is a way to position the penis higher on the vulva as it enters the vagina.”

Say you’re the person on the bottom. You would line up your chest with your partner's and then have them position themselves a little higher, so their chest is now resting on your shoulders. Bend your legs at a 45-degree angle and tilt your hips up. “The person on the bottom wraps their ankles around their partner's legs from the outside, and that is the element of this position that pulls the top partner's body (penis or dildo) much closer to the bottom partner's body (vulva and clit),” Queen explains. “The bottom person is literally pulling the top person up into them that way — hence more contact.” The results are worth the effort.

According to a 2017 study, fewer than 20% of women reported the ability to orgasm from penetration alone. So, clitoral stimulation is the key to female arousal — as if you didn't know that. That’s why Queen tells Romper that their biggest advice is: “Touch your clit! Much higher arousal and many more orgasms await if you do this simple act.”

But many women might feel self-conscious touching themselves during missionary sex. That's nothing a vibrating ring can't solve. “There are also rings that don't vibrate but are equipped with a ‘love bump’ that adds some extra clit-focused pressure with each thrust, and many like those too,” says Queen.

If vibrating rings aren’t your jam, Lee suggests using other toys for extra stimulation. “Besides incorporating couples vibrating rings, one can also incorporate other sex toys like [those] meant to be worn internally during penetration, or those over the pubic mons,” she says.

If the bottom partner wraps their legs around the top partner’s back, this can shift the angle of penetration so there is clitoral stimulation with each thrust. “The other thing [that] wrapping your legs around the top partner's back can do is allow for more depth,” Queen says. “Some bottom partners will enjoy that also.” This little tip can make all the difference in helping you orgasm during missionary.

For intense, deep penetration, elevate your legs so they rest on the top partner’s shoulders. The feeling is intense for both of you, so be prepared for it. Being bendy is ideal for this one. If both legs are too much, try lifting just one, or “the top partner can often help by letting the bottom partner brace on their upper arms,” offers Queen. “You can do this position halfway by raising one leg, but also it's worth doing using the top partner's arms, rather than shoulders, to rest your legs on — not quite as acrobatic, [but] still hot and intense.”

A close variation to the legs-on-the-shoulders move, Lee suggests holding your legs while being penetrated. “Besides resting your legs on your partner's back or hooking them behind their neck, you can widen your legs further and use your own arms to hold onto your legs for a deeper penetration,” she says. “It depends on your preference, flexibility, and also your partner's.”

Position yourself (or whoever the bottom partner is) at the edge of the bed. The other partner lies partially on top of you, but ultimately with their feet on the floor for easy support and balance. “This helps my clients with knee pain, back pain, flexibility challenges, and also those who find it challenging to sustain their erection,” Lee tells Romper. “Being comfortable and pain-free is key.”

Having your feet held during intercourse is a sensual way to enjoy missionary and makes the position more springy for more vigorous intercourse, Queen tells Romper. “The person on top can bounce off your feet, because of the physics of the bent legs,” she says. Bring your knees to your chest, rest the bottoms of your feet on your partner’s chest, and let them take it from there.

“Another thing the top partner can do during this position is shrimping — toe-sucking,” Queen says. “Negotiate this first — not everyone is a fan, but it can be very sexy (for both partners) if you are.”

One way to guarantee you're not just laying there during missionary is to rotate your hips. “You can rotate — and, as the late Dr. Betty Dodson used to recommend, you can thrust,” Queen says. “Thrusting back against your partner's thrusts adds to the action, and just the motion of thrusting itself can heighten arousal.”

There's no reason for you not to use all of your body during missionary, and that includes your vocal cords. Talking dirty to your partner in bed is one little way to make missionary a bit more naughty. Loud and proud, right?

If talking dirty sounds intimidating, Queen suggests their book Exhibitionism for the Shy. “[The book] has a couple of chapters on erotic talk,” she says. “This is a great time to share fantasies or memories of other sexy times you've had. One partner can do all the talking, or you can both conversate while you fornicate!”

One of the best missionary position tips to make it extra hot? Getting rough. Ask to have your hands bound while your partner pumps into you. If bondage isn't your bag, try a little scratch on your partner's back or nibble their ear. Or try other ways of getting rough, like “extra-strong thrusting, hair-pulling, [and] biting,” Queen suggests, adding that you should avoid bondage during sex if you don’t completely trust your partner. It’s extra important that full consent is involved here.

Switch up missionary and make it more intimate by forgetting about the orgasm for a minute. Yes, you read that right. Queen suggests incorporating tantric sex, which includes “deep breathing together (think yoga breaths) while you gaze into each other's eyes.” This meditative sex practice focuses on connecting the mind and body to unite the energies of each partner. It’s not about the end goal, but slowing down and enjoying the journey. “Mindful missionary is a truly sexy time,” Queen says.

There's something sexy about keeping one article of clothing on while you're doing the deed. Plus, it might bring back memories of experimenting with sex when you were younger. Oh, and Jay Z sings about sliding Beyoncé's panties "to the side" in "Drunk In Love," so there's always that image to get you fired up during missionary.

Although sex is not about getting a good workout, it's not a bad way to build muscle strength. During missionary, Queen says to squeeze your pubococcygeus muscle (PC). “The PC is also called the pelvic floor, and its muscles support the whole pelvis,” they explain. “The muscle[s] you use to stop a fart or stop a stream of urine are the ones to squeeze.” Clench and release in order to give you and your partner extra sensations.

Playing with your partner’s hair shows them you're engaged, even when laying on your back. If you pull it when you get really turned on, you're letting them know just how much pleasure they’re giving you — and, in an ideal world, pleasure begets pleasure. But be sure your partner likes their hair pulled first, says Queen, because some people are really not into it. “Running your fingers through your partner's hair might be a lovely compromise if you have a ‘Don't pull it!’ partner in bed with you,” she suggests.

Grabbing the penetrating partner’s butt to pull them deeper into you will never not be hot. But your partner’s cheeks are just one of many things you can get hold of, as the person on the bottom. “The person below can ... hold onto their partner's love handles, hips, caress their partner's inner or outer thighs, as well as testicles for penis owners,” says Lee. “The person below can also caress their partner's face, chest, or play with their nipples as they are penetrating.”