If life post-pandemic promises one thing, it’s this: We’re either going to see a whole lotta babies being born in about nine months from now — or everyone and their mother is going to be getting divorced. Because even though you promised to love, honor, and cherish, ain’t nothing in the vows that talks about pandemics, quarantines, and homeschooling, oh my! And apparently, you’re not alone in your relationship angst, because the internet is rife with marriage during the pandemic tweets that will definitely make you laugh.
When you’re stuck together (er, social distancing) 24/7, you’re bound to get stir crazy. That explains why all of those previously annoying quirks that your partner possesses are straight-up grounds for divorce at this point. After all, nothing (and we mean nothing) could have prepared you for love in the age of COVID-19. It's this simultaneous blend of blurry days, homeschooling, and an ever-present pair of pajamas on your person. Throw in a partner, and well, it's hard to not question your marriage mettle.
Thankfully, some pretty funny people are letting their relationship woes all hang out, and most of their marriage tweets are pretty darn amusing. See if you find any that make you recognize your own complicated, yet comical, quarantined partnership.
1With Actual Lettuce?
Supplies can be scarce, and finding fresh fruits and veggies is sometimes a supermarket long shot. Luckily, this hubby timed his salad request right when it should be super easy to stroll through the produce aisle to pick up peppers and tomatoes.
2Laughter Is The Best Medicine
When most days make you want to cry or pull your hair out (or both), having a partner to make you chuckle is a big plus. Because only someone with a sense of humor can survive this with their sanity somewhat intact.
3Better Read The Vows Again
Suddenly, sneezes, and (gasp) coughs take on a whole new meaning. Because it’s one thing to nurse your partner through the common cold, but COVID-19 is a whole other animal.
4Every Pandemic Needs A Theme Song
You know that you’ve secretly sung “My Corona” to the tune of The Knack's song “My Sharona,” too. Don’t deny it. Just don’t get caught singing it outside; it doesn’t always get a great reception.
5The Tribe Has Spoken
All of those cute quirks that you came to love about your partner (which in this case would be terrifying toenails) are just gross now. Just. Gross. Might be time to buy some toenail clippers online, though.
6You’ve Been Thinking It, Too
Listen, @MommaUnfiltered pretty much tweeted what we’re all thinking. Is it too late to make your marriage work? Depends when states start opening up again... and you can get out of the house.
7It’s Gourmet!
When pickings are slim at the supermarket, you just have to make do with what’s for dinner. (Or, ahem, you’ve eaten everything else in your house.) Even if it’s going to leave your fingers a funny orange color.
8Hmmm, Define “Like”
Sure, snuggling up with your sweetie for hours (or even overnight) initially sounds inviting. But a couple of days in, and, well, you might be looking for the escape hatch, too.
9Or Getting Angry When He Doesn’t Get It
Sending a sweet little text during the day was one way that you stayed connected to your partner. But now that you’re in each other’s faces all day long, you should still try to message a meme to them — and hope that they get the joke so that they don’t come back in the room and ask you to explain it.
10So, That Would Be Day 674, Right?
Even if you’re the quietest chewer out there, the sound of food sloshing around someone’s mouth is just gross. So really, can you blame any couples during the quarantine who can’t stand the sound of their partner chewing? Probably not.
11Breakfast Of Champions
We don’t know what’s more surprising about this tweet — that both parents ate a cupcake for breakfast, or that this isn’t something that happens on a normal day without a pandemic happening.
12Knock, Knock
This has probably happened to all of us at some point. And then you rewind the scene so you can hear it again, and hope that this time it’s really someone there.
13Hairstylist For Hire
Right about now, everyone’s hair is starting to look a little scary. Roots are showing, bangs are outgrown, and highlights are halfway down people’s heads. So if your marriage has survived a quarantine cut, then you know your partner is a keeper.
14Accurate
There are only a few ways to survive social distancing with your spouse. First, you need to never wear constricting pants again (or pants in general), lots of caffeine, TP for days, an assortment of ants, and, well, a marriage that might be a work in pandemic progress.
15Works For Us!
Sure, you can wine and dine your spouse to keep things interesting. Or, you could let it all (and we mean all) hang out while your spouse has to read his portion of a work presentation to a bunch of colleagues on a Zoom call.
If one thing is for certain, COVID-19 is bringing out the honesty (and the humor) in our marriages. There’s still so much to celebrate and laugh at together — at least until the quarantine is over and you can get as far away from your partner as fast as possible.
