16 Weird Things Moms Do When They Finally Find Time To Be Alone

I'm not someone who keeps up with the Kardashians. Well, at least, not until I'm alone. When I'm alone I'll watch an entire marathon and not feel an ounce of shame. I'm not a huge reality TV fan, but when I don't want to have to think, it's my go-to guiltless escape.

For some reason, when I'm alone, I want to rearrange all of the furniture in our house. Not that moving things around will make a huge difference, but for, like, five minutes, a newly rearranged room sort of feels like being in a hotel while on vacation.

I'm not a clean freak by any stretch of the imagination. I mean, I like to keep our living quarters clutter-free when it's reasonable, but I've got two toddler boys. Toddlers are gross, and they can turn a room into a disaster zone in a matter of minutes, so stressing out over keeping my floors shining is a complete waste of my time. However, when I get some time alone, I love making the house smell like it's covered in lemons and bleach. It's weird, yes, but so satisfying.

When I get time completely to myself, at home, I find the biggest shirt in our house to put on. I forego pants, or anything that doesn't involve a high elasticity content, and opt for the most supreme form of comfort available.

I rarely wear makeup, and even when I do, it's minimal. It's not because I don't like makeup, but rather that I just don't know how to properly use it, nor do I have the time to learn. For some reason though, a night alone makes me want to contour my face, or at least try. I might be rocking that oversized shirt, but my face will be damn near flawless. I don't get it either.

I'm not an inept cook, but I'm also not a next level chef either. However, when I am on Pinterest looking up new recipes that my boys definitely won't even try, I feel a sense of culinary optimism that overtakes my usually very realistic expectations. I can baste a turkey in only 32 easy steps? Sure, Pinterest, let's inflate my ego and kill a bird, all for the sake of domestic dominance.

Am I the only one who has, like, 12 online shopping carts fully loaded? Filling those imaginary baskets full of imaginary items that I can't afford to spend real money on, gives me the sort of high that I imagine hard drugs would. It might only last for a few minutes, but when I imagine my closet filled with new clothes and 14 pairs of boots, I feel at ease.

Too much clutter gives me major anxiety, so when I get time to myself, I like to organize everything around me. The bathroom closet, my desk, the kitchen cabinets, the toy box, even the junk drawer gets a face lift when I'm alone.

I swear kids get cuter once they're asleep or no longer in the immediate vicinity. My boys will sometimes drive me absolutely insane, finding my very last nerve and relentlessly jumping on it until I end up seeking refuge in the bathroom. However, when they go to sleep, I stare at the video monitor and watch them. Or I look at my phone and talk to their pictures in a baby voice and get sad about how fast they're growing up.

I'll eat macaroni straight from the pot, ice cream straight from the bucket, drink wine straight from the bottle, or finish off an entire pizza (by myself) without a moment's hesitation, if I'm alone. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll do that if I'm not alone, too, but I feel a lot less guilty about it when I'm by myself.

Yes, yoga sounds like a great idea! So relaxing and tranquil and spiritual...

(Insert hysterical laughter here)

Working when I'm actually alone sort of feels like a vacation. Being a mom is a full time job, and it pretty much always takes priority over whatever I've got going on with work, so when I actually get to focus 100 percent of my time and energy on what I'm doing, for a change, I feel like a major #momboss.

Sometimes, getting 12 hours of sleep sounds more exciting than going out or staying up late or finding $20 in your pocket while folding laundry. Moms don't get enough sleep, not by any stretch of the imagination, so the thought of going to bed before the sun has even gone down sort of feels like the equivalent of a day at the spa.

Sometimes, when my kids are in bed, and I manage to get my husband out of the house to hang out with his friends, I feel this wave of adrenaline wash over me. I get unnecessarily pumped about having some time to myself, and I'm so overwhelmed by even the idea of unabashed freedom, that I don't even know how to spend it.

So, I sit on the couch, confused, and wonder how exactly I should take advantage of my alone time. I don't get nearly enough of it, so I put way too much pressure on what little freedom I get, and it inevitably makes me an anxious mess, sometimes. It makes me feel like a fish out of water. It's like, "Hey, I've always wondered what this was like, but now I'm here and I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to do, so I think I'll just sit here frozen instead of actually doing anything."

My kids might drive me crazy and leave me in an exhausted, anxious wad on the couch after they go to bed, but they are my life. Everything I do is for them, and though I should definitely do more for myself, I'd happily give up all of my freedom if it meant that their lives would be benefit from it. I don't think that's the answer, though. I'm positive that I'm not the only mom who needs more time to herself. I think it's something most of us don't prioritize nearly enough. If we did, our kids would probably actually benefit more, and maybe we'd be slightly less weird when left by ourselves.