I have forgotten so many things at home during and after pregnancy that I have a mantra I chant before I lock the front door: "Phone, wallet, keys." If I don't make sure I touch each item, I am liable to leave it. Pregnancy brain is so unfair.

Having pregnancy brain while taking care of your existing children is the worst. We can't be held responsible if the toddler's clothes are mismatched or if we forgot their field trip money. Blame it on the baby.

"Hey, it's so cool that growing a whole human inside you takes up all your energy," said no one ever. It's not enough that pregnancy makes you sleepy. No, you have to be absent-minded when you're awake, too.

I'm convinced part of the reason my #pregnancybrain was so forgetful is that all the strange dreams I had stole some of my brain cells. My mind put all that energy toward pigs flying on Saturn in my sleep. That's probably why I couldn't concentrate on anything while I was awake.

You ever have that moment during pregnancy where you say something odd and don't realize it until you see your friend looking at you strangely? Luckily, my friends knew me well enough so I didn't have to keep telling them the baby was making me ditzy. They already knew.

I can picture exactly how this went. The poor mom-to-be was likely getting frustrated the silly straw wasn't going through the lid, when all she wanted was to sip her water. All you can do once you figure out your mistake is laugh — lightly, though, so you don't pee on yourself.

It's bad enough pregnancy make your feet swell and change size. That alone should give pregnant people a free pass to wear whatever shoes happen to fit that day, even if they don't match. Matching is overrated, anyway.

When I forget things at the house and have to hit a U-turn, my older kids will troll me even though they know what's going on. Mommy is ignoring your questions about why we're driving back home for the second time in 5 minutes, sweetie. Hush, so I can remember what I made this U-turn for.

I can remember the order of the track listing to NSYNC's first album. My memory of 90s movie release year trivia is undefeated. But don't ask me what I was going to grab from the kitchen five seconds ago. I have no clue.

The thing is, you can walk right past the bread or milk at the store, and your pregnant brain won't even throw a flag. Like, "Hey, mama, aren't you forgetting something?" Nope. You'll only remember three hours later when all you crave is a PBJ and there's not a slice of bread anywhere in the house.

So many times I tried to outsmart my pregnancy brain by putting events in my iCal. I had forgetfulness so bad that even the days or times I'd remember to set would be wrong. So, yes, I did drive 45 minutes to my kid's dentist, call to say I was running late, only to learn the appointment was actually the next day. (Facepalm).

Pregnancy amazed me because I was literally making a person while going about my daily life, but also because it caused so many new changes to my body. Changes that caused me to tear up the house searching for my phone while it was in my back pocket.

Use one of those bathtub crayons to write it on the shower wall. Put it on a Post-It Note and stick it to your forehead if you absolutely need to remember. Whatever you do, don't leave the list at home.

Sometimes you can't recall the names of simple objects, words that are right. on. the. tip. of your tongue. Other days, you accidentally remix words so no one understands WTF you're talking about. This whole pregnancy brain thing makes communication so comically difficult.

That blank stare drops down onto your face right after you cross the threshold of the door. What am I doing here? And the strangest thing is, you won't figure out what you came for until you retrace your steps. It never fails.

Here's my theory: the baby "borrows" all the brain power moms previously used for unimportant things like remembering how to match shoes. Instead, we trade the ability to recall our birthdays for the obsessive mental reminder to finish the baby's nursery at 3 AM on a Tuesday. It's totally a sign of things to come.

I'm almost ashamed to admit how many phone conversations I've ended because I had to start frantically looking for a lost object. I have yet to look for my phone while talking on it. Consider me perfectly happy to leave that pregnancy brain achievement locked.