17 Things Society Tells New Moms They Have To Do (And Why They Absolutely Don't)

Mothers hear awful things while breastfeeding in public. People tell them to cover up, they’re forced out of establishments, made to feel shame for their bodies. It's horrific, especially because all that breastfeeding mother is really doing is feeding her baby some lunch.

No one should be forced to do anything they don’t want to do, and that includes breastfeeding. Some moms love it while other moms hate breastfeeding (and that’s okay). Moms have all sorts of reasons for choosing not to breastfeed, and the last thing they need is anyone’s judgement on how she feeds her kids.

It’s easy for many of us to simply forget to brush our hair or put on fresh clothes or stop and do some yoga when we’re neck deep in diapers, dishes, and detergent. Still, society is often "cool" with mothers, until a mom suddenly wants to go out to a bar for a friend’s birthday and then it’s, “But you have a child! Shouldn’t you be home taking care of them?” Nope, nope. It’s important for mom to put herself first, even if it's just infrequently.

I hate this so much. The only real reason a baby might need their mother more, at first, is if she’s breastfeeding and she has no way of storing milk. Other than that, dads and other co-parents can do everything mom can do. Dad’s love is just as important to baby’s development, even science says so.

Once you have a baby, everyone seems to want to give you their opinion on what you’re doing right and wrong. Why do people feel so entitled to this? Leave the moms (the parents, really) alone; they’re doing the best they can. Just because a woman has decided to become a mother, doesn't mean she is now required to listen to someone discuss parenting strategies or choices or anything.

This is so important and so sad that society still doesn’t get how important mental health is for mothers (and their babies and people in general). An estimated 11-20% of new moms exhibit symptoms of postpartum depression, and that’s not including moms who miscarry or experience infant loss via prematurity, still birth or other complications. New motherhood (and even pregnancy) often come with a side of anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, stress, and other issues and, still, society doesn't provide enough resources (or simple understanding) to help the moms who are experiencing such symptoms.

Working moms experience a lot of guilt that stems from a patriarchal society that claims moms should stay home with the babies, yet makes it seem like stay-at-home moms are such a burden. Stay-at-home moms hear all sorts of ridiculous things about their working status as well, and also deal with a large amount of guilt as they don't "provide income" for the family. It’s all nonsense. No one should criticize a mother’s choice when it comes to working and parenting simultaneously. I mean, no one seems to do the same with fathers, so...

FMLA only requires employers to give moms 12 weeks of unpaid leave. Most moms would probably be happy to not return for the first 12 months, let alone 12 weeks, yet they are forced to in order to keep their jobs. These rules need to change.

Many moms return to work earlier than the 12 weeks they’re given (a time given only if you're a full-time employee of the company one year prior to giving birth. Otherwise you’re on your own). This is because companies are not forced to pay for maternity leave. Sadly, that leaves moms asking themselves questions prior to their maternity leave, such as whether or not they can afford to spend 3 months at home with their baby.

All moms work. Just because a mother isn't accepting a paycheck every two weeks, doesn't mean she's not putting hours upon hours upon hours of hard work into her child and her family and her home and everything else you can possibly think of. Hey society, please quit acting like SAHMs are just binge-watching Orange Is The New Black while they eat ice cream all damn day. It is not like that at all.

It’s hard enough being a parent, but being a low-income parent is tougher. I’ve spent many days in the WIC office during my son’s first year of life, borrowing breast pumps and receiving help to purchase my son’s formula and baby food. I, sadly, dealt with people judging me while in line at the grocery store (and sometimes even the employees themselves) who actually believe the stereotypes of low-income parents, when really, life is a lot more complex.

Moms are constantly shamed for their postpartum bodies, whether it’s in a subtle or overt way. Fortunately, there are people out there trying to combat this, like the 4th Trimester Bodies Project. Basically, society should just quit shaming moms for their bodies (actually, while we're at it, society should just stop shaming anyone for their body).

Have kids? Better invest in some mom jeans! No, but seriously, it’s like once a person becomes a mother, they’re supposed to stop thinking about sex or dating or flirting or anything even remotely related to their sexuality. However, and of course, a mom better be in the mood when her partner wants to have sex. Ugh.

Single moms catch a lot of extra flack. They’re told they’re irresponsible for having a baby out of wedlock (seriously?) or for not working hard to make their marriage work (what?) or raising their child in an "unhealthy environment" (you're kidding, right?). Like, just stop. Not only is this all factually incorrect and horrifically offensive (a byproduct of the patriarchy demanding men be the "leader of a family") but a number of single mothers in the U.S. has risen in the last 50 years, because women are demanding better for themselves and their children. Hell. Freakin'. Yes.

While I understand that there are many layers of complexity associated with infidelity, and not all types of cheating are the same (and many things shouldn’t be considered cheating), the only person to blame for someone cheating is the cheater. Becoming a mom doesn’t give a partner license to cheat.

We have recently seen many examples of this particular social expectation, including the gorilla incident at the Cinncinatti Zoo and the alligator attack at the Disney resort. Did you notice how the majority of people commenting on both situations only focused on the mother? Hmm.

People don’t constantly give moms praise for every good thing their child does, but once their offspring does something "awful," you can be sure at least a few folks will be ready to point the finger in her direction. Just like it's a mother's fault if her child is hurt, it's automatically a mother's fault if her child does something wrong. Even if there were two parents involved in that kid's life, society defaults to blaming the mother. Just, like, no.