The most significant love/hate relationship I’ve had in my life has been with my breast pump. The second most significant love/hate relationship I’ve had in my life has been with Google. Like a good college boyfriend, Google makes me feel both smart and lazy, like we just spent three hours lounging in his room talking about literature because neither of us have anything else to do until dinner. I feel smart because the world is at my fingertips and I can go from knowing zero things about teething symptoms to knowing every possible thing there is to know about teething symptoms in about four seconds flat. However, there’s laziness too because, let’s be honest, I didn’t have to work for this information nor do I really need to retain it — it will always be there, on the Internet, waiting for me to come back to it. (Actually, I suppose that makes it different from my old college boyfriend, who was a flaky asshole.)
In the early days of parenting, I would jot reminders down during the day (when I was too busy watching my baby sleep to do anything else) to Google after he went to bed for the night. And then, hours later when he was in his little sleeper an arm’s length away, I would go into those deep pits of Internet despair, looking for even more ways to reduce the risk of SIDS, to reassure myself after my baby glanced at the television for a few minutes (gasp!), and to see just how much longer it would be before he’d smile back. And on occasion, I’d reach for my phone in a moment of panic during the day when I needed quick information. (And let me save you guys a few steps: No, it’s not an emergency if they put dog food in their mouth.)
It’s tough to imagine going through life as a parent without Google. I know I’m not the only one who relies heavily on it, let’s take a look at a few more examples of what other moms have googled in the name of parenting.
“Can I really squirt breast milk in my baby's eye to correct an infection?” The answer is yes, mamas. – Kristin
"How to clean a poop explosion out of an umbilical cord stump.” – Jessica
"Baby ate Polysporin" (apparently this happens rather often!), "Baby fell off bed" (also very common), "Toddler black eye"...lots of accident-related things. Mother of the Year, everyone! – Alana
"Infant boy, breastmilk, normal" (it is) – Jamie
The weird things I'm googling lately are all Minecraft related, as he's now six and a half. "Zombie pig men," anyone? – Jenn
"I think my baby ate a tick" also happens fairly often when you have dogs in the house. BLAHHH. – Samantha
This is kind of gross... but I have two boys. I Google all health items, from colds to rashes, etc. I once had to Google a medical question about my infant's penis and it was horrifying. Never. Again. – Marie
I Google everything. Recently how to make me smart enough for my new "smart tv.” – Suzanne
When my boy was about 9 months old or so, I noticed what looked like a black hole in the roof of his mouth. I instantly started googling how he could possibly have developed a hole in his mouth! A few minutes later, freaked out of my mind. I rechecked to realize it was a melted puff stuck to the roof of his mouth. – Amy
"How much poop is too much to ingest" after she went to TOWN on a diaper during naptime. – Jessica
"Pinworms" (just trust me). – Rachel
"Bloody spit-up." "Blood in infant stool." "Thrush" has some nasty pictures too. – Danielle
I once Googled "pooping after C-section." – Rachel
Pregnancy related: "prolapsed internal thrombosed hemorrhoid home removal". Apparently it isn't recommended. – Bethany
"Prolapsed bladder" and “Impacted stool.” – Amber
Alllll things hemorrhoids. – Elizabeth
“Penis cheese.” – Katie
"How to remove hair tightly wrapped around uncircumcised penis". Poor baby was blue and SWOLLEN. – Heather
"How to get poop out of a vagina." – Megan
Images: Fox; Giphy(7)
