6 Weird Fears Everyone With A Newborn Has At Some Point (Because Dear God, What If The Baby Just, Like, Jumps Out Of Your Arms)

I was shocked and appalled to find that the exhaustion of pregnancy was a walk in the park compared to the seemingly endless nights without sleep that accompany having a newborn. During the night, I’d laboriously go through the motions of soothing, nursing, burping, and changing diapers, only to repeat it again in 90 minutes. During the day, I’d walk around bleary eyed and so fatigued that I’d enter a room and have no idea what I went in there for. I had reached such “mombie” status that I barely recognized my reflection in the mirror. There was many a time that my husband and I wondered aloud if we might actually die from excessive sleep deprivation.

Question: Can newborn babies spontaneously leap from your arms? From the moment I first held my itty-bitty son, I knew that I would give my life for him in an instant. He was the most precious gift I had ever received. But then a terrifying thought crossed my mind: What if I accidentally drop him? I was bombarded with visions of my babydolls growing up, and how their little, plastic arms always snapped off when I was dressing them. What if that happens to him? What if I’m not holding his fragile little neck correctly? Or I swaddle him too tightly or strap him into the carseat too forcefully? Could he jump out of my arms? He couldn't lift his head up, but that is something that, in my new-mom panic state, felt totally plausible. Fortunately, babies are actually pretty sturdy. And as the biggest baby in the hospital nursery, he had a lot of extra padding to protect him.

A few weeks after giving birth, my husband and I were in Target (because of course we were). When I looked away for a second, he jokingly took the cart, and our son who was sleeping soundly in his carseat, into another aisle. This completely freaked me out. My rational side knew that my husband was perfectly capable of taking care of our son, but the mama bear in me couldn’t stand the idea of being away from my “cub.” The idea of leaving my precious bundle in anyone else’s care was a major source of anxiety. Because no one seemed fit to watch my son the way I could, I quickly came to the conclusion that I’d just never be able to go out again. At least, not without my cub in tow.

Uh, you guys know there are literally germs everywhere, right?! With all the technological advances our society has made, how have they not invented some kind of baby bubble to protect your newborn from all of the nasty micro-organisms lying in wait? There just isn’t enough Lysol or hand sanitizer in the world, to make a dent in it. You have to learn serious evasive stroller maneuvers in order to protect your baby from the onslaught of overly friendly and touchy strangers. Who knows where there hands have been? I remember at my 2-week post-op appointment with my OB/GYN, she “oohhed” and “ahhed” and tenderly stroked my son’s foot. I should have been flattered. Instead, as soon as she left the room, I doused his foot in hand sanitizer. (Because, after all, I do know where her hands have been.)

For thousands of years, new moms have probably been second guessing every little thing their baby does. Are they eating too much? Too little? Is their poop supposed to look like that? Are they sleeping too much? Will they ever sleep again? The advent of the Internet has likely just exacerbated this issue. With an inconsequential concern, a few seconds, and a couple keystrokes, some online forum will have you quickly convinced that your baby is suffering from some terrible, horrible, rare, and incurable disease (which is probably just cradle cap).

In those early weeks, when you and your newborn are just getting to know one another, and you haven’t quite figured out what each tiny cry or wail means, it can feel really disheartening. There were so many times as the mom of a newborn when I wondered if I was cut out for this whole parenting gig. Would it always be so hard? Would I ever find a new normal? Move past simply surviving and start thriving as a parent?

The transition into parenthood is a wondrous and wild ride. Because your tiny new friend does not come with an owner’s manual, there will be numerous times that you experience self-doubt, and combat both rational and irrational fears. But as the time passes, you’ll gain experience in the parenting trenches, and you will also slowly but surely attain more confidence and self-assuredness. At the end of the day, you were perfectly made for baby and they will mold you into exactly the kind of parent you need to be.

Images: NBC; Giphy(6)