As a sex-positive person, I'm pretty open about sex and the sex I'm having and what I like about sex and even the number of people I've had sex with. I think sex is pretty awesome (duh) and as long as it's safe and consensual and respectful, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm not, however, that big of a fan of dirty talk. Now when I'm having sex, anyway. So, because it's not necessarily "my thing," I'm all for exploring the reasons it's totally fine to hate dirty talk. Validation, anyone?
Of course, different strokes for different folks and what turns one person off can definitely end up turning someone else on. Honestly, I think that's one of the best aspects of being a sexual human being; you get to explore what you like, try new things, try new partners and learn from different people. So, as someone who has had had multiple sexual partners, I have experienced different kinds of sex. What have I learned? Well, among other things, while dirty talk can be totally hot and a very big turn on, it can also be kind of the worst. When I spend all day talking with multiple people and just want to share some sexy silence with another human being, dirty talk gets me out of the mood faster than the Seattle Seahawks losing the Super Bowl in the final minutes of the game.
in the end, you like what you like and there's no reason to be ashamed about it. Some people like talking when they're getting it on; some don't. Both are normal and both aren't shameful and as long as you're having safe and consensual sex, I say you're doing sex right. So, with that in mind, here are just a few reasons why it's completely OK to say "no" to dirty talk.
Because Sometimes You Don't Want, Or Need, The Commentary
As a writer, I'm a fan of words, don't get me wrong. However, they're not always necessary. Sometimes I just want to be all about the actions, so a play-by-play of what I'm doing to someone — or what someone is doing to me — is just too much. I just don't want to feel like my sex life is being commentated by Al Michaels.
Because Dirty Talk Can Seem Forced
If it's a natural progression, dirty talk can be super hot. However, when you can clearly tell that this partner (or partners) of yours is trying to talk dirty because they either assume that's what you're into or they assume that's what "you just do" when you're having sex, it can be a real turn off.
Because, Sometimes, Porn Ruins Everything
I think that bad dirty talk is the result of porn, if I'm being honest. Porn has created such unrealistic — and often dangerous — expectations when it comes to sex. Whether it's blurring the lines of consent or fantasizing and sexualizing assault or just giving men the impression that women orgasm the moment they're touched, porn isn't realistic. At all.
So, the "dirty talk" in porn is hardly what really turns people on, I'd argue. Still, certain people think that porn talk is "real" talk and it just makes the entire sexy conversation forced and disingenuous.
Because You're Busy And Ain't Nobody Got Time For That
Sometimes, I just want to get it on so I can get a move on. I mean, nobody has time to listen to you go on and on about what I am already feeling and/or aware of. Just do your thing and I'll do mine and then I can get back to work or parenting or watching Stranger Things on Netflix. #Priorities
Because Why Talk When You Can Just Do?
Sometimes I don't want to talk, I just want to do. I talk all day, almost every day — to clients and coworkers and my boss and my parenting partner and my kid and my friends and my mother — that not talking just sounds wonderful. Like, no more words; just do the sex-stuff to me. Sometimes, silence and sex is exactly what I want and we don't need to throw some unnecessary syllables into the mix.
Because Some People Just Aren't All That Great At It
We all have our talents and, well, for some people dirty talk just isn't one of them. There's nothing wrong with that and I think it's always a good idea to play to your strengths, especially in the bedroom.
Of course, that doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement and I think if you've found someone to explore with and get better as sex with, you've hit the sexual jackpot. However, not every sex session needs to be (or should be) a lesson.
Because You Like What You Like (And That's OK)
What you like is what you like, and you shouldn't fee like you have to like something because it's now "mainstream" or "accepted" or being highlighted on downloaded porn videos across the world. You don't have to like it even if your partner likes it. No one gets to decide what turns you on or makes you feel comfortable.
Because The Best Sex Is Sex You're Comfortable Having
If you're not feeling comfortable, the sex isn't good. If someone is saying something that makes you feel uncomfortable, the sex should stop. If you feel uncomfortable saying something during sex, you shouldn't say anything at all.
It's honestly that easy, because sex without consent isn't sex at all.
