In 1999 (yes, like, forever ago), a film made waves across the country and instantly became a cult favorite. American Pie, a sort of coming-of-age story about high school friendship and sex, gave us numerous cultural references. One of those "treasures" was the term "MILF," or "Mom I'd Like To F*ck." The term, used by one of the characters to describe another character's mother, quickly gained momentum and became mainstream. Today "MILF" is splattered on mugs, shirts, books, and other paraphernalia. The reasons you should never call a mom a MILF are greater in number than the term's popularity, though, and should be taken into account anytime someone decides to describe a mother in relation to how much they want to have sex with her. You know, because gross.
While some women take pride in being dubbed a MILF, I take issue with the term for reasons other than how damn disrespectful it is. While it's demeaning and rude to be referred to in such a way, it's also wrong on so many levels. Don't get me wrong, I love feeling sexy and desirable. I enjoy turning heads and my ego could use a few more compliments. MILF isn't a complement, though. In fact. MILF is misogynistic. The term reminds me of teenage boys drooling over each other's gorgeous moms. It does not scream "you're beautiful," it screams "you're doable and I'm horny." And, furthermore, the words of teenage boys isn't where grown women should be searching for validations. (That should come from within, but that's a separate issue.)
So don't call mothers MILFs. It's not nice and it's offensive. If you want to pay a woman a compliment, there are thousands of other ways. If you can't figure out what else to call a woman aside from MILF, then maybe you can do some soul searching? That could be good for everyone involved.
Because It's Not A Compliment
In no way or shape is MILF a compliment. There's no focus on individual features, and it's not a comment on a woman's beauty or poise. It's an oversimplified and a crude catcall at best. Whenever I've been called a MILF, I never felt good about it. It never made me feel nearly as sexy as a, "Damn, you're so smart and funny," comment.
You want to compliment a woman who's a mother? Tell her she is an amazing mom. Tell her she makes it all look easy even though you know it's difficult as hell. Tell her she's beautiful when she has spit up on her shirt. Those are compliments. Don't tell her she's doable despite being a mom.
Because Women Aren't Sex Subjects
I know, I know, women "do this to themselves by dressing a certain way." Women obviously dress sexy to attract a mate (always a male, by the way) and get his grubby little hands all over her frame. Of course they do. There's no way women want to feel sexy for themselves, right? They clearly want to dress up and have men yell derogatory comments at them all day and all night. Clearly every single woman wants to be a sex object. Clearly.
Well, I'm going to say something here that may make a man's head nearly explode: women want to feel sexy whether or not a man is looking at them. When I go out with my girlfriends, I dress in whatever makes me feel good. I'm not trying to attract a mate since, you know, I'm married with children over here. So, imagine that, you guys: dressing sexy just for me.
Because A Man Does Not Get To Dictate Desirability
Every morning after I wake up I think about how I can get a man to find me desirable. "How can I make myself look doable?" I think. A shower would probably help, I guess. But, seriously, no. Men do not get to dictate which women are worthy and which are not. Sure, they've been doing it since always and they think their opinions matter, but they are wrong. So very wrong.
Because Women Who Become Mothers Are Not Suddenly Unappealing
Did I miss the part when once I became a mom I suddenly lost my sexy? Does that happen the moment of conception, or is it a later phenomenon? You know, like once the baby pokes his head out of my vagina? Which is it, exactly? Because I dying to know how giving life to a human being made me suddenly less attractive. So unattractive, in fact, that I now jump at the chance for some immature man-child to call me a MILF. No, darling, becoming a mother made me even sexier. Giving life made me more powerful and incredible. I was sexy before I became a mom. Now, I'm simply unstoppable.
Because It's Sexist
In simple words the acronym is sexist. It's rude and ignorant and can be ridiculously offensive to women. It divides women into two categories: either attractive enough to be desirable by a man, or not. It says that if a woman does not "earn" the "prestigious" title of MILF, she is pretty much worthless.
Because Mothers Don't Have Time For This Bullsh*t
You know what? I don't care if a man thinks I'm hot enough to f*ck. I don't. My life isn't about that. I care about my children. I care about their wellbeing and their happiness. They are my priority and I guess maybe that makes me less desirable to a man, because now he will no longer come first in my life. It's a tough thing for a man to understand, I'm sure, especially since they are so used to being number one in a society that panders to their every want and need.
Because It's Immature
I honestly cannot imagine a grown man calling a woman a MILF. And if a grown ass man does call a woman a MILF then he has issues beyond anything I'd want to deal with. If a man calls a woman a MILF, that man is either a "bro" (you know, the frat guy who is permanently stuck in the college mindset) or that man is actually a man-child who is probably used to targeting college girls.
Either way, if a man, a grown man, ever uses that term to describe a woman, he's got a problem.
Because Being A Mom Does Not Define Me
If you want to compliment a mother, do it. And even though her self-worth doesn’t depend on your words, I’m sure your kind words would be welcomed. But why must you remind a woman about the fact that she is a mother. Please don’t misunderstand, being a mother is obviously amazing. But if I’m out having a great time with my friends I don’t want to be reminded of my responsibilities, I want to let loose and just enjoy a night without diapers and bedtime stories. I don't want my husband to tell me I look beautiful "for a mom." Like, what is that?
