Life
Many women have experienced bad sex at some point in their lives. Maybe you had a partner that thought they were great at oral, but they tabbed you with their tongue. Or maybe you had the "jack rabbit" encounter that left you writhing in pain. Many women have been there, but what separates the average woman from the grown-ass woman is this: they don't put up with it. If you want to know the signs you're having sex like a grown-ass woman, look no further than your own sexual experiences.
"A grown-ass woman knows what she wants in the bedroom through experience," Dana B. Myers, founder of Booty Parlor and author of The Mojo Makeover: 4 Weeks to a Sexier You, tells Romper. That doesn't mean you have to have a long list of sexual partners (if you do, that's fine, too). What she's saying is grown-ass women have explored many different avenues to their own pleasure, they've experimented with different partners, and they've had different "flavors" of sexual experiences. And they've likely done some work outside of the bedroom, too. "You've educated yourself by reading up on sex, talked about it openly with your friends, and even watched porn to seek new ideas on what turns you on," Myers says.
Additionally, and this is big: sexual, grown-ass women masturbate. "Perhaps most importantly, you know what you want because you touch yourself," Myers says. "You understand the nuances of your orgasmic experience through frequent solo play." Because really, how can you show your partners what pleasures you if you don't know yourself?
Besides real life experience, here are nine other signs you have sex like a grown-ass woman.
1You Discuss Your Sexual Health History
As unsexy as this sounds, grown-ass women know that it must be done. Before anything sexual goes down, you should talk about your past sexual health history and current status.
"It's important that you get tested for STIs and to know if your partner has been tested and what the results were," therapist Kimberly Hershenson tells Romper.
2You Take Your Pleasure Seriously
"Grown-ass women understand that their pleasure is important and aren't afraid to communicate to their partner what works for them and what they like," Shula Melamed, a relationship and wellness coach, tells Romper. "A grown woman leaves an encounter satisfied and confident that she did all she could to make it work for her and her partner."
But words aren't the only way to tell someone what you want. Showing works, too.
"It's important that you are satisfied, which means telling your partner or demonstrating what feels good for you, sharing what turns you on, and discussing personal boundaries," Hershenson says.
3You Use Protection
"Even if you're on birth control and your main focus is not to get pregnant, protection such as condoms are important to reduce the risk of getting an STI," Hershenson says.
Ultimately, your choice to use protection (and method) will depend on what type of relationship you're in and your comfort level, only you will know best.
4You Talk About Frequency
No matter what type of relationship you're in, talking honestly about your libido and how much sex you'd like is super important.
"Asking for more or less sex can bring up vulnerabilities, but it's important to be on the same page with your partner as far as expectations go regarding how frequently you have sex," Hershenson says.
5You Are Open To New Things
No one is saying you have to be into kink if it's not your thing, but being open (with boundaries) is a sign that you have sex like a badass adult.
Melamed says grown-ass women "are open to trying things, but are not afraid to say no when something isn't working for them." She explains that through trying new things comes self-knowledge about likes and dislikes.
She adds that, "grown-ass women aren't afraid to politely and firmly decline something that is not for them."
6You Hold Your Boundaries
Being open to new things is cool, but also knowing your hard NOs is the sign of a woman who knows her sh*t.
"You engage in sexual acts that are comfortable for you and don’t let yourself be pressured into doing things that are unsettling," relationship therapist Rhonda Milrad tells Romper. "You are secure enough not to worry about your partner’s reaction or being rejected and aren’t prepared to compromise your boundaries to hold onto anyone."
7You Have A Box
You have a box with sex toys and you know how to use them, Ms. Pomegranate, as she prefers to be called on her kink and sex education website, tells Romper. She believes there is no shame in the toy game. You don't have to have anything extravagant, but stashing some massage oils and feathers isn't a bad place to start.
8You Feel Empowered By Your Sexuality
Being a sexual woman is not just about the actions you take in the bedroom, it's about your state of mind.
"You are confident about your sexuality and comfortable with your body, 'imperfections' and all," Milrad says. "You aren't in your head, preoccupied with how your body appears and holding back sexually because you are self-conscious."
9You Are Sex Positive
You recognize that sexuality is a spectrum: from biological desires or lack of (asexual), to different libidos, different sexual gender preferences, different partnerships (polyamory, monogamy, open marriage, and many more). You celebrate consensual sex and condemn sexual abuse. If you have sex like a grown-ass woman, you accept that everyone has a sexual journey and you don't judge it.
The way you practice sex and perceive it is what ultimately determines whether you have sex like a grown-ass woman or not. If you're ever feeling unsatisfied, just know that you have the power to change it. If you need help, don't hesitate to reach out to a sex therapist, they can help get there.
