11 Signs You're Sexually Attracted To Someone, But Not In Love With Them

If "you just want to make out or have sex, not actually spend time" with the other person, then it may not be true love, Melissa Divaris Thompson, a licensed psychotherapist in New York City, tells Romper. If you notice that you don't really want to take the time to get to know the person (you just want to get to know their body) then you're not in love.

“They make you incredibly horny, but outside of sex you only endure their company, and the whole time you're together you're just waiting to get to the bedroom or the sex," adds Nadine Sabulsky, founder of The Naked Life Coach coaching practice in Phoenix, and author of Secret Weapons of Mass Orgasm: The Science of Sex & Artistry of Love. If that’s the case, it's probably just sex you're wanting and nothing more.

It's important to note that fantasy play can happen during sex in a committed relationship, but if you're in a land of make-believe all of the time with your partner, it probably isn't love.

"If you don't feel you can be open and honest with your partner and would rather pretend you have a perfect life, it is a sign of lust, not love," psychotherapist Kimberly Hershenson tells Romper. "When you love someone, there should be trust, honesty, and communication."

You may have a really good sex life with this person, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're connecting on an emotional or intimate level. Part of connecting is talking to each other.

"If you're always up for sex, but there is little interest in having conversations, this is a sign of lust, not love," Hershenson says. "When you love someone, you should feel supported and be able to express your needs."

Being physically attracted to the person you have a relationship with, whether it's a sexual relationship or otherwise, is certainly important. If, however, you're only focused on their dreamy eyes and nice butt, it's probably not love. Hershenson says, "If you can't stop thinking about how good-looking your partner is or how great their body is, and there is little else that comes to mind when you are thinking of what attracts you to them, this is a sign it's lust, not love."

She also notes that there are many other important qualities to look for in a person if you want to commit to a long-term relationship, such as kindness, dependability, support, and trustworthiness. Thompson agrees and says when you're in love, you tend to look for traits that make a person unique on the inside too, and not just on the outside.

"When you love someone, you care deeply about getting to know the people they care deeply about," Thompson says. "If you don't, this is a sign you are probably more attracted to them physically." Similarly, you may not find yourself jumping at the chance to bring your lover around your nearest and dearest either.

"While you don't necessarily need the approval of loved ones, if you completely avoid bringing [the person you’re seeing] around your family and friends, that's a good sign they're not 'the one,'" Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating coach and owner of The Popular Man consulting group, tells Romper. "Most people want to share the existence of their partner with others, not hide them away."

If you're feeling nervous and your gut is screaming "red flag," it may be time to honestly ask yourself what kind of relationship you're in.

"Your subconscious has picked up cues that they're not what they seem to be, but maybe you're disregarding the signs because you want the sex, or you're just plain lonely," Sabulsky says. "Put aside your sexual attraction for a moment and ask yourself what it is about this person that's rubbing you the wrong way."

If you have honest friends, it should be easy to find out rather quickly what they think.

"Unless your friends dislike everyone you meet on principle, in which case it may be time for new friends, they are probably noticing the things that your lust-hazed brain isn't capable of seeing," Sabulsky says. "Ask them why they feel this way, and take the time to really listen to their response without defending your choice or your lover." Pay attention when your friends don’t like the person you’re seeing, because it’s probably for a reason.

Not that you wouldn’t care at all if something happened to them, but you’re not really concerning yourself with whether they’ve had a good day at work or not. “When you’re falling in love with someone, their well-being becomes important to you,” Alexis Auleta, LCSW, an individual, couples, and family therapist, tells Romper. “When they have a bad day, you’re all ears. If they get a nasty cold, you’re showing up with chicken soup. Some people find themselves overly concerned with their partner’s physical safety,” says Auleta.

When you’re actually in love with someone, you can even experience what Auleta calls “irrational anxieties,” like worrying about everything that could go wrong when they’re on a plane or in a car. “If their health and happiness isn’t a concern, it’s a sign this isn’t a love match.”

"If you want to rip his clothes off, but can't think of any scenario where you two could live happily ever after, it's a good sign you're just in it for the sex," Bennett says.

Being in a relationship solely for the sex isn't necessarily a bad thing, if that's what you want. But knowing the difference between the two will be key in securing your emotional happiness.

“When you’re in lust, your partner checks the boxes when it comes to physical and sexual attraction,” Auleta tells Romper. This is also a great thing to have with a long-term partner, but it’s far from the extent of your needs. “There may be other categories left unticked that get in the way of developing a real love connection,” Auleta adds. “From personality quirks and annoying habits to vastly different belief systems or mismatched communication styles, differences can start to add up.” If it’s love and not just lust, they’ll tick a lot more for you.

You’ve been hanging out for a while and maybe you initially hoped for the connection to turn into something more, but it’s just not. Instead of cutting them loose right away, you keep them on the line to see what might happen. They’re essentially just holding the place of someone for the time being until you find a partner who better suits your needs. “Even on a subconscious level, you might decide to ‘place card’ your partner until something better comes along,” Auleta explains. “When you’re falling in love with someone, ambivalence isn’t on the menu.”