All I Want Is To Hear 'Thank You' (& Also These Sparkly Tights)

If the Grinch taught the world one thing, it's this: holding hands and singing songs with the people you love is worth more than any present or Christmas decoration you can find. And look, I know this to be true. I am a mother to two perfect little girls, and their excitement and glee and cheerfulness this season is really all I need to feel happy and satisfied. No emotional holiday labor here, you guys. Everything is holly and jolly and lovely.

I mean here I am, covered in glitter from the kindergarten Christmas party I singlehandedly put together after no other parent volunteered to help. My fingers are still curved tightly around an eggnog ladle, there are bits of sugar cookie dough under my fingernails, and my mouth forever smells like stale peppermint because eating candy canes is faster than warming up last night's pizza delivery. It's all worth it. You are all worth it, children. Your joy and your glee is worth so much more than any gift from a store. I just thought the Christmases I had when I was little were good. I had no idea how much better it would get to experience Christmas through your sweet little eyes.

So here's my Christmas wish list this morning. Truly, this is all I ask of you, my babies.

Gratitude

A literal "thank you" would be so nice this year, children. I've been awake since 5 a.m. sewing your angel costume for the Christmas pageant because you said you were "too big" to be a sheep this year, and you took the seam ripper right out of my hand to hand me your advent calendar so I could pry the tiny chocolate out of the tiny plastic window. But it's OK! I do this because I love you and because I love the joy you get out of this season. All I ask for is a "thank you" on Christmas morning.

But while I have you here, thinking about gifts, I'd also love the Clarissa jumpsuit in popsicle from Boden to hang in my closet all year as I deem it "too dressy" for every event I could possibly attend.

Your Smiles

Watching you open your presents on Christmas morning is it, my darling. That's the moment right there when all things have aligned, when I can feel my heart fluttering with the whispered sigh of motherhood. Everything is right, and it's the best gift in the world to see you smile.

But a Kindle Paperwhite with the Kindle unlimited subscription would also be great because your sister just ate her way through my library while I was trying to pee, and my phone is currently in the hands of your 5-year-old brother and will stay there, sticky and full of crappy apps, until he can quit screaming in restaurants.

A Nice Christmas Card

Oh, there are some beautiful ones. Ones with glittery trees popping out of the middle, some with perfect die-cut cardstock replicas of Santa's workshop, others with tiny felt gingerbread men dancing across the top — pick one that reminds you of how you feel this Christmas season and write me a sweet message. This is what I'll cherish the most when I'm old and gray and deliriously nostalgic for these Christmases. This is worth so much more than anything you could find in the store.

A pair of Lauren Conrad booties in wine, size 8 please, so that I can keep up with the PTA president that always looks like she wandered out of a Kohl's catalogue. You know I'm only involved in this PTA so I could throw your class that incredible snowman-themed Christmas party, right?

A Nice Family Day

Look, we've been running around like crazy, flitting from one party to the next, barely speaking to each other as we grab packages and go. I'd like just one nice family day together. We can all go to the park and try out your new bikes! Or we could just lounge on the couch with a movie or play a game of Scrabble. I'm up for anything — I truly just want some quality time with you guys.

Oh, but La Mer Moisturizing Soft Cream is also an option if you want to make me feel pampered and loved and keep me from remembering how you used to run through parking lots as soon as you could wriggle your hand out of mine and gave me all of these d*mn forehead wrinkles by the time I was 29.

A Christmas Day Viewing Of Little Women

Truly, I'm going minimalist this year. Marie Kondo says to toss what doesn't spark joy, and for me, those are things. I don't want you to spend any money on a gift just to say you got me one. Let's really think about what Christmas is all about: quality family time like the March sisters have with Marmee. (And the movie theater employees leaving their family for the day to serve us popcorn and sodas the size of a cake stand.)

But also a Baby Yoda Tervis tumbler would look really great in my van during soccer practice. It's the only child I'd die for that doesn't talk back.

A Nice Family Photo

Come, children. Gather around me. We're all in our matching jammies (Do you remember how I bought these at Target on Black Friday and wrapped them up to open with our advent calendar and none of you have worn them since?) and I'd love a nice family photo right here by the tree. You can all smile nicely, so please do it — truly, this is all I want. I want a snapshot of this perfect Hallmark moment that doesn't even have a former Full House star in it. Say cheese!

And in case none of these work, a pair of sheer, metallic tights from ASOS will really make me feel like a million bucks as I pay all the credit card bills in January.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! You know, a particularly good night. Like one that happens because I'm nestled into the new Target throw you bought me, and also the one that happens because here we are, all together, safe and sound.