Here's How To Orgasm More Quickly, Because It's A Life-Changing Skill

Sadly, many of us hold to the old Freudian belief that the "right" way to achieve orgasm is through genital penetration (he famously called clitoral orgasm "immature"). Time to get out of that mindset, declares Dr. Queen. "I am on a mission to get everyone to feel comfortable touching their clitoris during intercourse!" she says. "Intercourse alone isn't an efficient source of orgasm for women (or people with vulvas). Intercourse plus clitoral stimulation (via fingers or toys) is much more likely to result in climax, or to speed up the process. Want to orgasm with a partner, or faster? This is probably the best trick to try."

Science backs this up: A recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women who employ clitoral stimulation during sex not only had more control over their sexual arousal, they were also more likely to feel desire when looking at arousing visual stimuli like sexy movies.

With that in mind, the do-it-yourself approach, either as part of foreplay or during the act itself, is a highly effective way to come quickly. "There are reasons why it might be more efficient to masturbate, with or without toys," says Dr. Queen. "It removes the 'wild card' factor of your partner's skills and knowledge; the feedback loop between your hand and brain is practically immediate, so you can move to the right kind of touch without talking to a partner about what you like; and any position and any fantasy is accessible to help arousal build." You can either bring yourself to orgasm, or get yourself right to the brink and let your partner do the rest.

The added sensation of a vibrator is just what some women need to go from almost to all-the-way. In fact, one study cited by Psychology Today estimated that about half of women had tried one out, either alone or with a partner. "If you respond well to the vibe, this can be a great addition to play," says Dr. Queen. "Some like to use vibrating cock rings, but a handheld toy lets you focus it in an optimal way — the vibe on the cock ring is going to move a lot during intercourse and the stimulation won't be consistent. Slim vibrators that fit more easily between partners, vibes that are designed to fit in your palm, and wearable vibes (like the We-Vibe) might all be good choices, but where there's a will there's a way: Plenty of people love the large Magic Wand vibrator and incorporate that into sex too."

If you and your partner have fallen into the same-old same-old position rut, switching things up could make sex more exciting — not to mention more satisfying. "Positions associated with orgasm are often ones that allow the ability to move," says Dr. Queen. She suggests trying positions that give you more control and more of the pelvic motion that makes it easier to orgasm, such as sitting astride your partner, or "cowgirl" style with you on top, facing away from your partner's head. These positions also allow you or your partner to stimulate your clitoris for extra arousal.

"Adding extra arousing stimulation can also make a big difference," says Dr. Queen. That can range from the simple (nipple play, kissing during intercourse, licking during foreplay) to the kinkier (anal touch or a butt plug, spanking). It all depends on your preferences and comfort level. "Whatever the sexy sensation if you like it is likely to move you higher into arousal," she adds.

Still, Dr. Queen adds, sometimes it's best not to try to rush things. "Devil's Advocate time!" she says "The longer it takes to come, providing you're erotically engaged and enjoying the sex, the stronger the orgasm might be. Orgasm is a release of energy, like a sneeze (though much more awesome). If this energy culmination happens too soon, it's still an orgasm — but maybe it could have been mightier."