What Happens If You Find Out Your Child Is A Slytherin? Breathe — It'll Be OK

June 21, 2016

There are a lot of important things to consider when you have a child. You know, things that determine their quality of life, their happiness, their general, overall well-being. But there are few things that matter more than knowing which house they would be sorted into at Hogwarts, am I right? I mean, if that doesn't tell you all of the character traits your little one possesses, what will? And let's be honest here, what happens if you find out your child is a Slytherin?

OK, let's not panic. For one thing, your kid probably looks great in green. And although Slytherins are known for having affinity for dark magic, their bullies, and the founder of Slytherin was an intolerant, pure-blood maniac, it doesn't mean you're raising the next Donald Trump. On the contrary, Slytherins can be great. After all, Harry Potter himself, i.e. The Chosen One, could've been sporting a serpent on his robes if he hadn't been so vehemently against it when wearing the Sorting Hat.

So what happens if you find out your child is a Slytherin? Obviously, you love them regardless, you look at the positive traits of a Slytherin, and you thank your lucky stars for your child. A Slytherin is resourceful, ambitious, cunning, and knows what they want out of life. They don't have time for those who are unsure of themselves or insecure. Can it translate to narcissism and selfish tendencies? Only if you let it.

I mean, every house has its faults, right? Gryffindors may be brave, but they don't seem to have a lot of respect for authority. Every personality trait has the option of veering off into negative behavior. A kid who pleases everyone can become a doormat without the right direction. A kid who is selfless can feel resentful as time goes on. And a kid who belongs to a house known for its superiority complex can become an adult with a high self-esteem and a desire to be better than ever.

I know, you're still not convinced. OK, there are a few things that happen when you find out your kid is a Slytherin, but I promise, you're going to make it. (Even if they speak Parseltongue.)

1You Deny It

You're a Hufflepuff, your partner is a Gryffindor, and you just don't understand how this could happen. The punnet squares you worked on in ninth grade biology didn't set you up for this, did they? Take a deep breath, my friend, and before you can say Salazar Slytherin, you'll be right as rain.

2You Panic About Bullying

Look, bullying starts at home. Draco Malfoy probably wouldn't have been such a little sh*t if his parents didn't fill his head with pure-blood nonsense. Start the work at home and you don't have to worry about your little one becoming a terror.

3You Worry They'll Be Judged

Ugh, nothing worse than worrying about your kid's broken heart. Look, a Slytherin may be judged, but you also have to remember that they have the personality traits to combat any inferiority they may feel. A Slytherin can take care of their self, so don't fret.

4You Prepare To Raise A Slytherin

Raising a kid is hard work, but raising a Slytherin takes a special dose of patience and faith. Your kid is going to push you. They're going to push your limits, your boundaries, and your buttons. They are going to have days where they think they are superior and that they know it all. They are going to be bossy and you're going to have to tone down their tyrannical behavior to make sure they stay efficient, helpful leaders. You're going to have to do a lot of work, but remember, a Slytherin is destined for greatness. It will all be worth it.

5You Think About Severus Snape

Hey, if the bravest man you've ever known was a Slytherin, then it can't all be bad.