What Your Grocery List Says About You As A Mom

You are a crunchy mom, through and through. You love your kids and want them to have only the best locally-grown, seasonal produce. You post pictures of their colorful, homemade bento-box lunches on your Insta feed and food blog.

You also (secretly) let them eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (on sprouted wheat bread, of course) after they spend an hour at dinnertime refusing to eat their kale, roasted brussels sprouts and free-range chicken.

You are practical. They are vitamin-fortified, so you can feel good about giving them to your kid, right? You know your toddler will at least eat one or two... before throwing the rest on the floor of your minivan. They are easier to vacuum than frosted mini wheats or raisin bran, though, so at least you have that going for you, right?

You are trying the Keto diet right now, and you feel awesome. I mean, when you aren't tired, cranky, or craving a giant slice of pizza (with real crust, not one made out of cauliflower or eggs). You walk quickly by the candy and chips aisle, so as to not cave from the pressure to add some to your cart, and head home to have yet another hard-boiled egg.

Your kid will only eat orange foods right now, preferably those made with cheese and carbs. You don't like to fight meal time battles or negotiate with terrorists, so macaroni and cheese saves the day.

You are an experienced mom, who is not above bribing your kids at meal time. At least you know they will eat something. Also, secretly, you like Pop-Tarts, too, especially the brown sugar cinnamon ones.

You have a big family and try to live on a tight budget. To save money, you have become a meal-planning wizard, buying in bulk and then spending Sunday evenings portioning food into meal-sized freezer bags and chopping vegetables to add to your slow cooker throughout the week. You frequently get frustrated when your spouse buys an energy drink or candy bar at the gas station, because they are so much more expensive than buying them by the case.

You long for the day when all of your kids will be potty-trained and you'll no longer have to buy diapers. You've spent time calculating the cost per diaper and wipe, waiting for sales, clipping coupons, and dreaming about what you'd do with that money once your kids are done with diapers. You don't yet realize that you'll probably spend that extra money on food, because kids are expensive AF to feed.

You are sexy, and not ashamed to be a mom who has a sex life. And you totally shouldn't be. You will tell off any cashier or busybody at the check out aisle who dares make a joke about the lube in your cart, placed ever-so-slightly next to a case of diapers or a box of weirdly flavored Pop-Tarts. Moms have sex. Deal with it. Down with the patriarchy.

You feed your baby formula. Good job! #FedIsBest

You pack your own lunch. It seems wasteful to others to buy the individual portions, but for you it's not. You've cleverly realized that no one in your house will eat guacamole but you, and you're not above treating yourself in little but oh-so important ways. So even though those individual packs cost more, if you don't buy the small packs the rest will get brown and yucky in the fridge.

You intend to eat healthy, but you always buy more produce than a family can actually eat. You will take home that beautiful bag of fresh lettuce, only to replace the unopened bag of lettuce goo that still sits in your fridge from last week's shopping trip. It's OK. Really. We all do this. I promise! Even the crunchy moms.

You spent yesterday reading food blogs or watching Top Chef and decided that you are going to make something incredible for dinner. You go, girl.

I do recommend that you also pick up some Pop-Tarts, though, because your kids are probably not going to eat scallops, risotto, ceviche, or foie gras... no matter how good it looks or tastes.

You have decided to become more organized and downloaded a grocery list template from Pinterest to save time and effort while shopping. You inevitably will forget something in produce, though, and will have to walk all of the way back to the beginning.

Sometimes you just need a glass of wine. Not in a unhealthy, self-medicating kind of way, but in a "self care is important" kind of way. Whether it's a sheet mask, a pint of Ben and Jerry's, a tube of lipstick, a pair of running shoes, or yes, a bottle of rosé, you know what you need to take care of yourself so you can be the best mom you can be.

You don't need a list, because Target will tell you what to buy when you get there. Just trust the Cartwheel app and in-store coupons, my friends. They will tell you what you need. Target would never do you wrong. Target knows you.