Life
The wise among us know that if you prick any mom she will bleed... Starbucks. Yes, the caffeinated bounty that flows forth from this establishment is the lifeblood of many an exhausted mama, and I put to you that there are things your Starbucks order says about your mom style that nothing else can.
Is the idea that all moms love Starbucks a stereotype? Of course it is. And are stereotypes the same thing as truth? Of course not. But if we're being honest we have to admit that there's at least some truth here, right? Like... a tiny grain of it that we feel rubbing against our very soul, reminding us that it does, in fact, exist. I like to think I possess a teensy bit of self-awareness to know that I absolutely fall into this stereotype (and the self-awareness to realize that this stereotype speaks to a particular demographic, of which I am a part). Rather than shy away from it or insist it's not so, I'm just owning it.
So, without further ado: My name is Jamie and I am a mom who loves Starbucks! I love the caffeine and I love that I can pay with my phone and I love that it's a nice little pick me up on a day of parenting that either lacks structure entirely or is so diligently scheduled that I need something to interrupt the monotony! I AM A STEREOTYPE AND I'M OK WITH THAT.
Are you OK with it? Then go ahead and see what your specific order might say about you:
Coffee
You are practical and efficient. You go into every situation with a plan, but are able to adjust and improvise when things (inevitably) go slightly off course. You are always prepared and probably bring your own reusable travel mug. You are the mom on the playground who can always spot someone a diaper or a pack of Goldfish crackers.
Latte
You've got it mostly together, but sometimes the chaotic rigors of mom-life can leave you feeling a little bit frazzled. You may often find that you have (once again) bitten off more than you can comfortably chew. (You always manage, because you're awesome like that, but you call it close.) Your latte gives you strength.
Cappuccino
You are the kind of person who very likely looked at the gif above and scoffed that it is not, in fact, a cappuccino. (You know that a cappuccino is a third espresso, a third steamed milk, and a third foam.) You are discerning, detail-oriented, and precise. Rules matter, if only for a matter of principle. Your kids will never be able to pull anything over on you, for you are wise to their shenanigans.
Tea
You have a lot to learn because they are charging you almost three dollars for a tea bag that would cost you 37¢ if you bought a box of that same tea yourself and boiled some water. Yes, all the prices are super jacked up but the tea really gets me and I will die on this hill if it means I've helped you out!
Iced Tea
See, even iced tea is OK because it takes more effort to make that and it is, therefore, worth your time to get baristas to make it for you. If you're an iced tea mama, you are someone who knows what's up. You're not necessarily a gossip, but you know what's going on and will sip your straw conspicuously when someone else starts discussing it. You can drop truth bombs like no other.
Red Eye
A red eye is a coffee with a shot (or more) of espresso in it. This drink means you are a mom whose child does not yet sleep through the night and you are basically soullessly wandering around in your human husk. Stay strong, friend.
Chai Latte
You're creative and offbeat and a little hippie-ish but not, like, full-fledged hippie. You're like a hippie who really appreciates things like air conditioning and hair product. You can relate to your kids well, because there's a little spark of child-like whimsy in you still, but when you hit your limit it is hit and you need a good cry.
Cold Brew
TBH, I still have absolutely no idea what this is. You're on your own.
Double Shot Energy Drink
You aren't here to make friends: you're here to win. Win what? Who's to say? But you're going to. You are intense in everything you do and you love your children fiercely. This fiery tenacity serves you well in all aspects of your life, and people know they can depend on you.
Caramel Macchiato
You put up a tough exterior but on the inside you're a big ol' softy. Your kids won't test you too hard, because they know you mean business, but they never doubt that what you do is out of love of them. You are practical but compassionate, firm but kind, and you are just as comfortable taking charge as taking orders. Like a caramel macchiato, you are all about balance.
Frappuccino
You would rather go to Dairy Queen and get a milkshake, but you don't want the funny looks. You're sweet and innocent but savvy enough to know that it behooves you to at least pretend to be a grown-up. All the neighborhood kids love you, because you are without a doubt the fun mom.
Mocha
You believe life is far too important to be taken seriously. It's not that you're irresponsible or anything like that, but you don't see the point in denying yourself or those around you a little bit of fun. Your kids love that you always have fun thing planned and go the extra mile to create happy memories and good times.
Water
Either you are actually a house plant or you need to love yourself a little more. Treat yo'self, honey.
Peppermint Mocha
You start posting Christmas memes on Facebook in August. You put up your Christmas tree the day after Halloween. If you don't celebrate Christmas, you always wished you did. Elf is your favorite movie. Your children have matching holiday pajamas and your Elf on the Shelf pictures are A+. You exude joy and it flows to your children.
