7 Thoughts That Indicate That You Have Rejected Child Syndrome

If you were rejected as a child, you've never been able to trust your mother. From early on, she's shown you that she isn't a safe or reliable figure in your life, and that distrust is ingrained by adulthood. Whether it's a personal secret or an important task, you don't trust your mom with it.

As a child and teenager, and my own mom often told me, “I will always love you, but I don't always like you.” Even at our low points, I have never doubted that she loves me (and I could always tell you what I did that caused any temporary dislike back then). If you're experiencing rejected child syndrome, that belief is shattered. You don't believe that your mother loves you and you've never been able to pinpoint why.

Often, children who have experienced parental rejection will seek love and validation elsewhere. "Children who are rejected from their primary caregivers (typically parents) tend to display a level of insecurity and low self-esteem, which translates often into making poor choices," Healy explains to Romper. "They seek love, approval and acceptance from others, which may or may not be good influences on them."

If one person in the world is supposed to love you, it's your mother. She gave you life, and is supposed to be your ultimate source of unconditional acceptance. When you don't receive that love and acceptance from her, it's not uncommon to believe you're never going to find it.

While it's not easy, Healy encourages adults experiencing rejected child syndrome to actively pursue healing. “Adults need to heal their incorrect perceptions (for example, I'm not good enough) and learn to see themselves as valuable, worthy and capable,” Healy tells Romper. “This can be done through attending classes, reading books, getting coached or receiving therapy, as examples. Ultimately, the change is within the person but can be also facilitated by healthy teachers and mentors on the path to wholeness.”

In a healthy parent-child relationship, talking to your mother about your life and your feelings is anything but “bothering them.” However, if you suffer from rejected child syndrome, you've been shown or even told, repeatedly, that you are a nuisance. As an adult, and likely long before adulthood, you simply learned to keep things to yourself. “Underlying a child feeling rejected is a feeling of unworthiness, not feeling valued, and generally feeling that there's something wrong with them,” Healy tells Romper. While this feeling of unworthiness certainly makes you feel like your mom doesn't care about what you have to say, it may make you feel like no one does.

Repeated rejection as a child can often lead to feelings of inadequacy. It doesn't matter if you graduate at the top of your class, get the biggest promotion, raise brilliant children, or find the cure for cancer — nothing you achieve is enough to impress your mother (or that's what you assume).

“Children who feel rejected have trouble standing up tall, presenting confidence, and oftentimes feel or think 'I'm not good enough' at fill in the blank," Healy tells Romper. "This may be a result of parents being too demanding and not accepting that a child is in the process of learning — or parents that are absent not providing a level of reassurance or approval or outright sending messages of rejection to children.” If you've never been told that your mother is proud of you, why would you believe she is now?

Sure, your mom will often have opinions about the things you do. However, even when I've inevitably made bad decisions, I know my mom loves and views me the same. She may make judgments about things I do or say, but she doesn't make judgments about my character. If you've been rejected by your mother, however, you can't say the same.

Many rejected children become perfectionists, feeling like minor mistake are the cause for this parental rejection. You may hide your flaws or any areas of your life that are less-than-perfect, constantly fearing criticism and judgment from your own mother.

If you have a healthy relationship with your mother, you probably often turn to her when you've had a bad day or are going through something painful. If you're dealing with Rejected Child Syndrome, you likely hide unpleasant emotions from your mother or even from the world in general.