The Good Inside App Puts Dr. Becky In Your Pocket

Ask any number of moms and they can probably tell you about a time when just a little bit of encouragement gave them the wherewithal to keep going through a particularly difficult moment. A knowing smile and eye roll from another mom as your child melts down in the frozen food section; a sympathetic shoulder squeeze from a friend at the playground; an “I’m so proud of you” from your own mother. These emotional buoys culminate into something far larger and Becky Kennedy, the psychologist best known as Good Inside founder Dr. Becky, wants to perpetuate them.

The recently launched Good Inside app, she explains, is an extension of her wildly popular brand. She likens this new format to the language app Duolingo. “To some degree,” she tells Romper by Zoom, “parenting is like learning a new language.”

And what’s the best way to learn a new language (one where no one is a native speaker, no less?). The same way you’d dive into any new language: daily practice, outside encouragement, and, ideally, custom advice for the particular issues you’re running into. The Good Inside app includes a number of features specifically designed to be effective in short bursts – daily decks of personalized age-based advice, an AI chatbot for instant trusted in the moment answers, and “emotional reset” reminders timed to particularly stressful moments of the day.

Dr. Becky discussed this latest addition to her brand, why Millennial parents don’t deserve the bad rap they get, and one little thing we can all worry a little less about.

How did the idea for the app come about and what are your hopes for it?

Dr. Becky: I feel like launching an app became a no-brainer for us, truly, because of the feedback and kind of the pleas that were happening from parents everywhere. What we kept hearing from parents was [materials and communities on the Good Inside hub] were game changing, but they just couldn't use it conveniently. So we also needed to create an actual tool for parents that fits into their busy life that they could use while they're scrolling in bed at night, or brewing coffee, or if you're like me, I don't know, sitting on the toilet.

And so it was kind of a challenge of … “Can I deliver this in a more personalized, more bite sized way for the parent who truly only has three minutes and can that actually have the same impact as some of our longer workshops?” We did so many rounds of tests and what was really amazing to see is that the impact was actually greater because parents were engaging, they were having the same progress.

I especially love the idea of the scheduled reminders. Because it really does feel like sometimes you do just need that little nudge, because it’s a domino effect. Your response to stress points affects your mood and then your kids mood throughout the day.

Dr. Becky: I really believe that parenting is a series of moments. And either a moment, because it feels so awful and we don't get support, can become this awful week, or in a moment you get exactly what you need and then that moment is short-lived and then you actually kind of go into the rest of your week feeling like an amazing parent. I really want to be able to serve parents' needs in those moments and now I feel like we can.

Obviously, you did not have the Good Inside app back when your children — who are 6, 9, and 12 — were babies. Has there been anybody in your life who's sort of served in that role as a person to help guide you through parenting, help you remind you of your best self in hard moments?

Dr. Becky: One hundred percent, and that's so much of what I hope to mimic. I think about my team: I have my husband, I have my mom, I have my therapist. I have this group of friends where I feel like I can send them a text and say the most out of control, one small thing happened in my day and I'm like, “Oh my goodness, my kid is awful and they're going to go to jail and they're never going to go to college” and they can say “Okay, I see you. This day was hard. Let's jump on the phone,” and give me that kind of momentary support.

And I'm so lucky I have Good Inside because we've really manualized this approach. So we have this team of parent coaches who we bounce Good Inside ideas off of each other all the time. “Okay, well this is happening with our kid or with the kid in our practice, how would we approach that? Oh, what about this? How would that work?” So I feel like I also have this mini study group of the most amazing coaches to challenge my own ideas and extend them further.

You've been described famously as “the millennial parent whisperer.” Do you think our generation is in particular need of whispering or do you think that we're approaching parenting in a unique way that maybe needs encouragement? What is it? Because I feel millennials get a bad rap wrap.

Dr. Becky: Totally. A version of this question, which you did not ask me, but I do get asked is, “Is all this parenting advice just making parents more anxious?” And I get so angry.

I think about some of the top organizational psychologists I know who work with CEOs and have completely transformed the way people think about leadership in the workplace and nobody asks those people, “Do you ever worry that you make CEOs anxious? Do CEOs today just need more whispering?” They say, “This is amazing … the best leaders never stop learning and growing.” … I think it's very fascinating that with parenting, which is generally assumed to be done by women, people take the completely opposite approach. I find it so full of misogyny and I would like the article to be written in one day that says, “Wow, look at this new group of parents who's calling bullsh*t on the narrative that parenting comes naturally.”

Speaking of misogyny and assumptions in parenting: your core audience is overwhelmingly female, but most kids also have a dad somewhere in the mix. Why aren't dads engaging more in these parenting spaces, and with parenting material, and what can those who are looking for more engagement do to sort of break in and feel like there's a space for them as well?

Dr. Becky: I'm so glad you highlighted this. … I think there's a couple things. First of all, I want to shout out all the dads who I see all around Good Inside. Some of our most engaged members on the Good Inside platform are our dads. They are so active and the way they talk to each other and share experiences is just so amazing. Second, I think parenting can feel confusing and overwhelming for dads because they largely have been kept out of the conversation. And I don't think anyone likes to feel kind of inept, but I think for a lot of men who feel very strong, and capable, and masculine, identity is kind of wrapped up in that you're a good man if you're strong and capable, right? And I think that's a really hard experience for a lot of men to tolerate — the experience of feeling vulnerable — and so then I think they can turn away from parenting.

Is there an issue, generally — and I don't want to minimize anyone's concerns — but in your experience, is there an issue that parents are worried about that as a whole we can worry about slightly less?

Dr. Becky: Oh, you're right in that when parents are worried about something, I always try to start by being like, "Hey, what's going on?" And there's always a story under the worry. But what I would say, if I can leave this moment with you: it is not our job to make our kids happy.

We see our kid was left out at recess. We see our kid forgot their water bottle. We see our kid wasn't invited to the small slumber party even though they're invited to it last year. We see our kid is struggling to learn how to read. The phrase I just keep on thinking is for parents is “let them.” Let them be left out. Let them struggle. Let them have a hard time. In the long-term, the thing I would worry about is a kid who doesn't have skills to tolerate being upset.

So I’d reframe [those moments] as “If I can just sit with my kid in this instead of fix it … I am actually letting them know that these are feelings that they can get through … I am actually giving them a skill they can use.”