Is It A Christmas Party If I Spend The Whole Time Watching My Toddler?

Holiday magic is done by the moms, or it is in my house, and most of the time, I enjoy it. I’m totally fine with being the designated stocking stuffer and the Elf on the Shelf mover and even the Drive To Target At 9:30 P.M. To Find White Tights In Your Child’s Size For Their Winter Concert parent. But there is one holiday tradition that turns even someone like me into a grinch: mom being the designated toddler chaser at holiday gatherings.

‘Tis the season! And you know how I know? Because I’m hitting my exercise ring approximately seven seconds into going to someone else’s house. Look, there’s cardio and then there’s following your little kid around a tiny antechamber filled with crystal ornaments, Hummel figurines at eye level, and a whole lot of strangers your toddler refuses to even acknowledge while you call after him, sweating.

Because the thing is, even if someone offers to help you with your little one, holidays are overwhelming. Family togetherness is lovely and my favorite thing, but my toddler tends to get real clingy in a big group setting. And the more people try to coax her away from me “so Mommy can rest, sweetheart,” the tighter she wraps her arms around my leg. I tell everyone, “It’s fine! No, really, I don’t mind,” because missing another round of White Elephant as I follow my child and her grandparents’ ancient blind cat while desperately hissing, “Gentle! Gentle touch!” is better than managing a holiday meltdown.

It feels normal because it’s been normalized — you, wearing control top tights and booties and lipstick, holding the hand of your 3-year-old who just wants to go up the stairs of your aunt’s house.

The nativity story is a sweet tale, but could we take a peek into Mary & Joseph's second Christmas, when Jesus is just learning to toddle? Do we think Joseph is still perched right next to mom and baby, ready to swaddle or shepherd or tell the little drummer boy to buzz off already? Or has he found a spot to watch the Eagles and the Cowboys where he can murmur “Babe, why are you so tense, it’s Christmas?” as Mary runs past him, following toddler Jesus who’s about to eat a chunk of the horseradish cheese in the middle of the charcuterie board or down grandpa's whiskey.

The holidays are, it must be said, also a good time to remind yourself that your partner can, in fact, follow a toddler around his own grandmother’s formal dining room while you have a glass of wine and gossip about that one cousin who never responds to holiday invites instead of hovering over the kids table sharing your plate with an 18-month-old who keeps pointing to your plate saying "BITE? BITE? BITE?"

I love to rock my babies by the glow of the Christmas tree and I like to read them ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas and I even like stripping their bedding to put on holiday sheets through December, but I could really do without the holiday tradition of chasing my toddler. Let this remind you that you are not alone and by that I mean I am also here in the trenches with you, wishing I could actually drink that frozen rosemary snow globe drink my mother-in-law made, and also your partner could actually remind you that you are not alone in this holiday tradition. Send this to your partner before you even leave the house this year, instead of seething with rage in the front lawn, begging your child to come inside and watch Rudolph with everyone.