The Secret Sauce For Confident Kids: How Intrinsic Motivation Works (& How To Nurture It)

If you have small children, you have probably discovered that they are pretty much born knowing what they like. They don’t have to be taught which activities, toys, and experiences capture their attention; there is an intuitive component to their selection process that helps them learn about the world and establish their place in it. Encouraging exploration and allowing kids to follow their instincts can foster creativity, independence, and, most importantly, confidence.

According to Dr. Lauren Loquasto, senior vice president and chief academic officer at The Goddard School, this is called intrinsic motivation. “Intrinsic motivation is the self-drive to do something that doesn’t require external reinforcement,” she explains. “It’s the internal drive to act because of how it makes you feel.”

Loquasto tells Romper that science supports nurturing this natural curiosity, and she shares how parents can foster intrinsic motivation in their own kids and help build the confidence they can carry with them all their lives.

Confident kids know what they like — and that’s good news for learning.

“When children are interested in what they’re learning, attention spans are maximized. The child feels in control of their learning, so engagement is higher,” Loquasto explains. “Learning is strongest when it is authentic.”

This is why The Goddard School has introduced Wonder of Learning, a new child-led, inquiry-based education program that employs a teaching and learning approach that embraces children’s natural curiosity and sense of wonder.

Inquiry-based learning isn’t just for school.

Inquiry-based learning is an active, scientific approach to learning that is built from points of curiosity. It encourages early learners to explore their natural interests using methods that make them feel excited about acquiring information. A teacher can present a concept and then allow each child to explore that concept in the way that suits them best by following their own curiosity.

At home, it’s as simple as allowing young children to choose which shirt they want to wear, which vegetable to prepare for dinner, or which song to listen to in the car. Every choice reinforces to a child that they can trust their ability to make decisions that make them feel good. “When children are given choices, they learn critical thinking and build confidence in themselves,” Loquasto explains.

Confident kids thrive with structure and boundaries.

Inquiry-based learning means that adults provide a flexible framework that supports and guides children's exploration and discovery. It’s important for kids to know what’s coming next, and that doesn’t go out the window when you choose to encourage intrinsic motivation in your child.

“In our inquiry-based classrooms, structure is established in daily Morning Meetings where the inquiry is discussed, children share their experiences, books are read, and new vocabulary is introduced,” Loquasto says.

Parents should use that same energy at home to establish healthy, safe boundaries while also honoring our kids’ intuitive understanding of their own interests and learning styles.

Instilling confidence means nurturing and modeling curiosity at home.

“Intrinsic motivation is internally driven but it can be nurtured,” Loquasto says. She gives parents a couple of simple tips to make sure they don’t undermine that natural gift.

First, don’t reward behaviors a child is already intrinsically motivated to do. A sense of accomplishment is a natural reward. “For example, if a child loves the feeling of helping others and regularly helps clean up their toys without asking, don’t start giving them stickers for this behavior they were doing without external reinforcement. Instead, acknowledge the behavior and focus on how good it makes the child feel and you feel when they help,” she says.

Second, model intrinsic motivation by sharing with your children when you do something simply for the enjoyment of it. Loquasto suggests explaining how good it feels to be curious, how exciting it is to learn new things, and how satisfying it is to take pride in a job well-done.

Building confidence early means creating lifelong successful habits.

“The more a child is internally driven, the deeper ingrained behaviors are,” Loquasto says. “These are the behaviors that perpetuate beyond needing prizes and recognition.” There is so much value in learning to see the satisfaction of a job well done as a reward in itself.

The key ingredient in the “special sauce” for raising confident kids is nurturing their intrinsic motivation. By encouraging curiosity, providing opportunities to make their own choices, and modeling genuine enthusiasm for learning, parents can help their children develop a strong, self-driven foundation. The experts at The Goddard School know that this approach not only builds confidence but also fosters lifelong habits of independent, joyful learning.