I love my children. And for a good portion of both my pregnancies, I loved being pregnant too. I had nothing serious in the way of health concerns, both babies were normal, and I was lucky in that I wore my pregnancy well; it felt largely quite good to me, the whole being full of fetus thing. That said, the third trimester is the worst. There's really no getting around that.
By the end of the third trimester, I don’t know a single woman who is still feeling #blessed 100% of the time. That included me. All the things that were cute in the second trimester, like that sweet, comfortably protruding belly, became a source of serious inconvenience. "Comfortably protruding" quickly turned into "wait, is this actually going to overtake my entire body?" and I was less-than-psyched about it. My maternal patience was already wearing thin, and that baby wasn’t even out of the womb yet.
And to be honest, that third trimester is only the beginning. It is indeed the perfect microcosm of the rest of your life as a parent: You will find yourself constantly sucking it up, gritting your teeth, and powering through, despite wanting to throttle your sweet child.
During my first pregnancy, I was all about patience. I was magnanimous and beneficent and so very smug and superior. Then my patience-testing baby became a toddler and my patience went out the window. And while my patience was on its way out the window, I became pregnant with my second child, and let me tell you, that poor boy got a few serious talkings-to in utero. Mama ain’t got time for heartburn with a crazy toddler to run after.
And that's just how it goes during your third trimester. It's a time when the fetus is inside of you is basically a whole human baby, and as such, starts annoying you in decidedly baby-like ways. Here are 7 ways that unborn baby is already testing you:
Lack Of Sleep
Didn’t anyone tell you? It’s only the first and second trimesters that you are able to cram all your sleeping in into. By the time I hit that third trimester, sleeping through the night was a distant memory. Between getting up to pee every hour, the baby breakdancing in my belly at 3 a.m. (trust me, it’ll happen to you too), and the general aches and pains that come with staying in one position for too long when you’re carrying another human, it was a lost cause for me. I kept telling myself it was good “practice” for when the baby arrived, and it was. (Notice I didn't say "fun" or "even remotely enjoyable" practice.)
Poking And Prodding You When You're Busy Doing Other Things
Kicks and pokes can get pretty strong by the middle of the third trimester, and man, do those kids ever have opinions about what you’re doing. Arms in the ribcage while I’m driving? Seriously? I’m trying to keep us both alive out here, kid. No big deal.
Embarrassing You In Public
Those unborn babies want to be the center of all the action already. I remember getting up to sing a solo in choir, at 8 months pregnant, and feeling like my son was reaching up through my diaphragm. It was shocking and distracting, to say the least, and I missed my cue. Thanks, kid.
Never Letting You Finish A Meal In Peace
I completely lost my appetite toward the end of my pregnancy. I felt so huge, and I was carrying very high, so my stomach was basically non-existent. I actually lost about 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks! I would start a meal and get indigestion or heartburn before I was halfway through. It was tragic.
Always Making You Late
Everything. Just. Takes. So. Long. When you’re pregnant (especially when you have a baby already). It takes forever to get yourself dressed when you’re in your third trimester, and it takes forever to get all the baby stuff together when the baby arrives.
Always Getting In The Way
Once that baby starts moving, you’d better believe that you’ll have to watch where you step. I trip over my son, or cause him to trip, on the regular. When I was in my third trimester, my bump bumped into every damn thing. By the end, I actually thought I had some minor nerve damage around my belly button from hitting it on corners of tables so often.
Always Taking Their Sweet Time When You Wish They'd Hurry The Hell Up Already
For the many women who zoom past their due date without any sign of their baby actually showing up, please truth: This is only the beginning of that child being late. I was six days overdue with my first, and she is perpetually late getting out the door for school now. It drives me crazy, but then I remember that I was two weeks overdue when my mom finally had to have a c-section. So I guess I come by it honestly too.
